At the Premature Ejaculation Finals

Dude #1: … And she was just so sassy!
Dude #2: Don’t say ‘sassy’ — you know what it does to me.
Dude #1: Sssassyyy. [Dude #2 shudders orgasmically.]

Merrill F. West High School
Tracy, California

Posted on June 30, 2025
California, Guys, Words

… On What It’s Laced With

Guy #1: Me and Jeff and doin’ some drugs tonight. Wanna come?
Guy #2: I don’t do drugs.
Guy #1: You smoked pot with me the other day.
Guy #2: Weed isn’t a drug.
Guy #1: Yes, it is!
Guy #2: No, it’s not… [To passerby] Is weed a drug?
Passerby: Depends.

Holy Trinity Catholic High School
Kanata, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: RG

Posted on June 20, 2025
Canadia, Drugs, Guys

Vegetarian Junkies Are So Nervous around Kids

Man: I’ve got basically everything I need — I’ve got the lentils and the sauce. All I need is the methadone and a babysitter.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Gavin

Posted on June 19, 2025
Gossip, Guys, Washington

Spring Break in South Beach, for Instance

Man #1: What’s that bruise on your forehead from?
Man #2: Watch out for someone in diapers carrying a mallet.
Man #1: I’ve found that to be sage advice in multiple situations…

Wausau, Wisconsin

Posted on June 11, 2025
Advice, Guys, Wisconsin

I Think We’d Be Married Under Missouri Law

Guy #1: Hey, you know what? You know what? Suck my balls.
Guy #2: What if I just stuck a pot over them and banged it with a wooden spoon?

Canton, Missouri

Overheard by: Lynn

Posted on June 9, 2025
Balls, Guys, Missouri

Geez, Look at That Guy Run

Guy: So, I heard your daughter is walking around half-naked. Congratulations!

Harvest Faire
Newport News, Virginia

Posted on June 7, 2025
Gossip, Guys, Virginia

It Doesn’t Matter What Kind of Stick You Pee On, Right?

Dude standing in line: Because when I see Kit Kats, I think home pregnancy tests.

Wegmans
Rochester, New York

Posted on May 24, 2025
Gossip, Guys, New York

Or Maybe I Shouldn’t Shave My Balls with Occam’s Razor

Dude #1: So, yeah — I woke up last night and I had cramps.
Dude #2: Like a girl?
Dude #1: Yeah, exactly like a girl. They were in that area… You know, that area near your penis but that’s also near your belly button. It has a lot of hair and skin. I dunno.
Dude #2: Whoa, you might have, like, an ovary or something.
Dude #1: I guess anything’s possible.

Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: Rachel