Kid Surprises Are Fun, but Illegal

Woman #1, approaching register counter: Ooh! Kinder eggs! I love those things!
Woman #2: What are they?
Woman #1: They're chocolate! With something inside!
Cashier: They're hollow chocolate eggs.
Woman #1: With a surprise inside!
Woman #2: Ew!
Cashier: It's a toy.
Woman #2: Oh. A toy.
Cashier: Whoa, okay, just imagine you were a kid again, and what a surprise meant when you were a kid.
Woman #2: I know… I know. It's just, adult surprises are never fun.
Woman #1, walking out of store: What were you thinking it was going to be? A penis that would squirt all over you?
Woman #2: You never know! Adult surprises are always bad!

San Francisco, California

Posted on July 8, 2015
Candy, Clients, Cum, Employees, Kids, Penis, Questions, San Francisco, Shopping, Toys

Or at Least Oprah

Mother: I’m going to sell you to the zoo.
Child: No, sell me to Jesus!

Billings, Montana

Overheard by: Amber

Posted on July 7, 2015
Jesus, Kids, Moms, Montana

The School Needs All Its Federal Funding

Student teacher: All right, guys, let's try that again. But this time with 30 to 40% less child death.

Clarksville, Maryland

Posted on July 7, 2015
Death & dying, Kids, Maryland, Students, Teachers

I've Seen Enough Of Hell

Little girl: I don't want to go to heaven. I want to go to Texas.
Teacher: How about you go to heaven after you go to Texas?
Little girl: Nah. I just wanna go to Texas.

Vacation Bible School
New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: Not from here

Posted on July 6, 2015
Default, Girls, Kids, Louisiana, Questions, Religion, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Teachers, US Geography, Wishes

I Recycled Your Sister Without Batting an Eye

Little girl: You don’t like me!
Mother: If I didn’t like you, I’d throw you in the dumpster.

North Branford, Connecticut

Posted on July 5, 2015
Compare and contrast, Connecticut, Default, Feelings, Girls, Kids, Moms, Parenting, Threats, Weirdness

An Equation That Changes After Puberty

Mom to young daughter: No, you don't get a lollipop just because you're wearing underwear.

Dulwich Village
London
England

Overheard by: Didn't get a lollipop either

Posted on July 4, 2015
England, Food, Kids, Moms, Parenting, Undies

Porky Pig Has Some 'Splaining to Do

Mom to six-year-old: I'm not buying this whole “selective stuttering” thing.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Posted on July 3, 2015
Family ties, Kids, Maladies, Moms, Parenting, Wisconsin

But Play-Doh, If Eaten, Can Become Poop

Mom to four-year-old's horrified babysitter: Poop is not play-doh. That's the lesson we learned today.

Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania

Posted on July 3, 2015
Compare and contrast, Default, Kids, Moms, Pennsylvania, Poop, Toys

With Hitler and People Who Smell Tied for Third

Mom, doing mock interview of five-year-old for their journal: Okay, who is your least favorite person?
Five-year-old: Saddam Hussein, and the girl at school with the bent chin.

Maryland

Overheard by: Brittany

Posted on July 2, 2015
Default, Family ties, Kids, Maryland, Moms, Politics, Questions, Women

God Decides to Test Out a More Adorable Grim Reaper

Little boy, excitedly: Everybody's dying these days!

Hooksett, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Evee

Posted on July 2, 2015
Death & dying, Default, Guys, Kids, New Hampshire, Words

Kids