New Jersey

Psychology professor, speaking of horrible deaths in the French Revolution: People are terrible…they should have never been invented.

Rutgers University
Newark, New Jersey

Overheard by: Person

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are normally a six-car train. Today they gave us four cars. I cried, I begged, but to no avail. (10 minutes later) Next stop, Secaucus! Hang on, we're gonna make it!

Transit Train
New Jersey

Overheard by: twoferrets

Girl, about guy in Jason Vorhees mask coming on stage during Halloween skit: I always recognize James* by his thighs.

St. Peter's College
New Jersey

Priest: Their first love has brought them so many tears and grief… and black eyes. But they will love again!

Saint Peter's College
New Jersey

Guy, walking up to greeter: You wouldn't happen to have any buttplugs, would you?

Target
Little Falls, New Jersey

Overheard by: harry bohemis

Professor, discussing sperm's passage to egg: “Come and chase me!” That's what the woman says.

Saint Peter's College
New Jersey

Overzealous personal trainer to neophyte trainee: Touch yourself in the butt!

Gym
West Long Branch, New Jersey

Overheard by: Robert

Mother: Don’t talk now, honey. Concentrate.
Little girl: Concentrate on the poo! Concentrate on the poo!

Bathroom, Newark Int’l Airport
Newark, New Jersey

Little girl to mother, pointing at a picture of Ronald McDonald: Look, Mommy — they put lipstick on George Washington!

McDonald’s
Jackson, New Jersey

Overheard by: Lydia

Drunk girl: Passing out when you’re drunk is so much better than having sex when you’re sober.

Montclair State University
Montclair, New Jersey

Overheard by: BTON