Cute girl to suit: What are you drinking?
Suit: Absolut on the rocks.
Cute girl: I prefer Belvedere.
Suit: Are you trying to get a free drink?
Cute girl to bartender: May I please have a Chopin Martini, up with olives? (points to suit, then turns back to him) Go fuck yourself. (walks away)
Hotel Bar
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: arrc
Lawyer to another: So, how much do you charge for a malicious wounding?
Party
Charleston, West Virginia
Teen girl: Macbeth… That’s the one with Hamlet, right?
Ottawa
Canadia
Man #1: I seen Jimmy the other day cuttin’ grass at my brother’s.
Man #2: Which brother?
Man #1: How many brothers I got?
Man #2: Two.
Man #1: Well, which one of ’em gets their grass cut by Jimmy?
McDonough, Georgia
Overheard by: lesley arango
Six-year-old boy to brother: You know who'll save you? Abraham Lincoln. Too bad he's dead now. He'll rise from the dead! And raise chickens! His chicken powers can't save you now!
Baltimore, Maryland
Gay guy #1: So does he have a boyfriend?
Gay guy #2: Yes.
Gay guy #1: Is he easy to kill?
Gay guy #2: Yes.
Seattle, Washington
Girl, after US history exam: How did you do on the essays?
Serious boy: Well, I drew hand turkeys on three pages of the answer booklet, and on the fourth I drew a picture of Samuel Glompers riding a tortoise while holding a marble cake.
High School Gymnasium
West Palm Beach, Florida
Little girl to dad: Daddy?
Dad: Yes?
Little girl: Why can't brothers and sisters get married?
Toronto
Canadia
Man to random cute chick: When's your birthday?
Cute chick: Um, September 27th.
Man: That's Ani DiFranco's birthday!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: McNasty
Smoker girl: How did you get that scrape on your arm?
Inked boy: Well, TJ picked me up in the parking lot the other night after the club, like literally, picked me up and carried me over to Halfbreed, and threw me to him, but Halfbreed didn't know what was going on and so we both fell over.
Smoker girl: Ouch.
Inked boy: So apparently, all it takes to knock him down is a hundred-thirty-five pound Italian projectile surprise.
Smoker girl: Do you stay awake at night thinking of these little quips? Or do they just come to you in moments of genius?
Inked boy: No, I thought of it that night. I've just been waiting to use it.
Providence, Rhode Island
