Six-year-old boy to brother: You know who'll save you? Abraham Lincoln. Too bad he's dead now. He'll rise from the dead! And raise chickens! His chicken powers can't save you now!
Baltimore, Maryland
Six-year-old boy to brother: You know who'll save you? Abraham Lincoln. Too bad he's dead now. He'll rise from the dead! And raise chickens! His chicken powers can't save you now!
Baltimore, Maryland
Gay guy #1: So does he have a boyfriend?
Gay guy #2: Yes.
Gay guy #1: Is he easy to kill?
Gay guy #2: Yes.
Seattle, Washington
Girl, after US history exam: How did you do on the essays?
Serious boy: Well, I drew hand turkeys on three pages of the answer booklet, and on the fourth I drew a picture of Samuel Glompers riding a tortoise while holding a marble cake.
High School Gymnasium
West Palm Beach, Florida
Little girl to dad: Daddy?
Dad: Yes?
Little girl: Why can't brothers and sisters get married?
Toronto
Canadia
Man to random cute chick: When's your birthday?
Cute chick: Um, September 27th.
Man: That's Ani DiFranco's birthday!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: McNasty
Smoker girl: How did you get that scrape on your arm?
Inked boy: Well, TJ picked me up in the parking lot the other night after the club, like literally, picked me up and carried me over to Halfbreed, and threw me to him, but Halfbreed didn't know what was going on and so we both fell over.
Smoker girl: Ouch.
Inked boy: So apparently, all it takes to knock him down is a hundred-thirty-five pound Italian projectile surprise.
Smoker girl: Do you stay awake at night thinking of these little quips? Or do they just come to you in moments of genius?
Inked boy: No, I thought of it that night. I've just been waiting to use it.
Providence, Rhode Island
80-something religious studies professor: Do you all know what circumcision is? (class stares at him) Okay. Well, if you don't, don't ask here. Wait for an appropriate time and ask a friend outside of class.
Canisius College
Buffalo, New York
Woman: Do you have mothballs?
CVS employee: (after thinking for a few seconds) Is that a protein bar?
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Nana
Girl: Kelly from work just texted me.
Guy: She's the really nice one, right?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Who's the one who's not nice?
Girl: Everyone else.
Frederick, Maryland
