Haughty woman: Oh yeah, he’s getting a divorce.
Friend: Why?
Haughty woman: She stalks him ever since he left. She followed him into Walgreens and tried to beat him down with a toilet scrubber!
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: I would want a divorce too…
Chick: … So then he started talking about feelings and stuff, and how we only have sex and we never talk anymore! [Friend nods.] Like, sometimes after we do it he tries to cuddle with me, and all I can think about is, ‘Damn, I really just want to sleep…’ So, do I break up with him?
http://www.overheardatmcgill.com/archives/2007/07/22/only-if-he-tries-withholding-sex-one-more-time-to-watch-a-chick-flick/
Overheard by:
Girlfriend: No, tell me, I do wanna know where you want our wedding!
Boyfriend: Funplex.
Girlfriend: You want our wedding at Funplex?
Passerby: Oh, shit!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Walking by
Angry girl shouting to her boyfriend hysterically: I can't believe you're ditching me, you will never, never, never find a girl like me in your entire fucking life again!
Boyfriend: That is the point.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Tadashi
Casanova: This is a replica of the helmet I wear when I fuck my wife.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: shadow
20-something girl: If anyone ever punches me, all of the turtles in western Pennsylvania will get together, form a giant stack, and bite that person.
20-something guy: Wow. Like Voltron?
20-something girl: Why did I marry you?
20-something guy: *Because* I say things like that.
20-something girl (sighing): Yeah, you're right.
Walnut St
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Nine-year-old: Logan almost got a girlfriend!
Six-year-old: Really?
Nine-year-old: Yep. Remember Courtney?
Six-year-old: With the glasses?
Nine-year-old: Yeah. He asked her out on the bus, but she said no. After that, Joe was like, “I want a girlfriend,” and I was like, “yeah, I know. Me, too, buddy. Me, too.”
Swimming Pool
Louisiana
Boyfriend, to girlfriend who has just ripped ass: Ugh! Baby! No, don't just walk away and leave me standing here, you can't just crop dust like that!
Target
Overland Park, Kansas
Lady 1: So they're getting married now.
Lady 2: But I thought she had a baby.
Lady 1: Yes, but it's his brother's. See, her sister wanted to be with him so she told him her sister couldn't have normal children. It turns out she's the one who can't have children.
Lady 2: Oh… so they're getting married?
Salt Lake City, Utah
Overheard by: Confused listener
Guy to another: I don't know what to tell you… If she won't break up with you because you invited her to have a threesome, then tell her that you have some disability… (mumbles) …like, what's that form of autism called? “Asperger syndrome”?
Bar
Austin, Texas
