As Explained in The Necronomicoffee

Young woman: Then I read that conversation with… Oh, brain fart… You know, that news anchor? Anyway, that's when I decided unsweetened coffee was the mark of the usurper.

Hampton Bays
New York

Posted on October 25, 2015
Default, New York, Questions, Stupidity, TV shows, Women, Words

I'd Scream, “Holy Shit!”

Blond Christian girl #1: So, like, what if like when Jesus comes, you're in the bathroom? Like, what do you do?
Blond Christian girl #2: Oh, wow…that would suck.

Dallas, Texas

Posted on October 20, 2015
Default, Feelings, Girls, Jesus, Questions, Stupidity, Texas

Instead Of Herpes

16-year-old student: Ah, those were the days… people talked on the phone, and phones got phone calls…

High School
Binghamton, New York

Posted on October 10, 2015
Memory lane, New York, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Students, Stupidity

The Etymology Lesson You'll Wish You Never Had

Effeminate boy #1: And he said “my penis is so big I can't control it.”
Effeminate boy #2: Oh, god. Really?
Effeminate boy #1: Yes, his mother uses really scientific terminology.
Effeminate boy #2: Oh. Oh, I see.
Effeminate boy #1: Mhmm. Well, he's only four, too. He's already peed on himself because as he says “it's not long enough go down.” I just call it a pee-pee. That's where the word “pee” comes from. Mmhmm.
Effeminate boy #2: Really! Huh!

Friendship Heights
Washington, DC

Overheard by: aimc

Posted on October 9, 2015
Age and ageing, Compare and contrast, Pee, Penis, Queers, Science, Stupidity, Washington, DC, Words

But Isn’t It a Little Soon to Start Competing with Her?

Overtired mom, after seeing infant fail to grasp something: See? Their reflexes suck. That’s why babies don’t drive cars.
Stunned husband: Uh, that and they can’t see over the steering wheel.

Wellsboro, Pennsylvania

Posted on October 8, 2015
Gripes, Parents, Pennsylvania, Stupidity

You Could Just Steal the Boxed Set, Sweetie.

Teenage daughter: Mom, I have a plan for my future.
Mother: And what's that?
Teenage daughter: Save someone's life so they are indebted to me and will buy me the complete Twilight Zone boxed set.
Mother: Between this and your brother who I haven't seen in four days, I don't think I screwed up at all.

Highlands Ranch, Colorado

Overheard by: Julia

Posted on October 3, 2015
Colorado, Compare and contrast, Family ties, Moms, Parenting, Stupidity, Teens, TV shows

I Mean Geraniums!

Woman #1: Where did you go to college?
Woman #2: University of Cape Town.
Woman #1: Oh, is that in Virginia?
Woman #2: No, it’s actually in South Africa.
Woman #1: Ohhhh, sorry, I’m bad with geometry.
Woman #2: …
Woman #1: I mean geology!

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: Actually, that was my mom.