Train

Dirty hobo (screaming): Does anyone have any popcorn on this fucking train? (glares because no one answers) That's what's fucked up with his country, no one will give you any fucking popcorn!

BART Train
San Francisco, California

Girl: My mom is never going to let me go on a field trip again.
Boy #1: Why?
Girl: I left my jacket at the museum.
Boy #2: Wanna know what I left at the museum? My dignity. My dignity and my pride.

BART
San Francisco, California

Aboriginal hobo: There is a nice cave outside of Kings Park. Only problem is there's some old guy livin' in it, he's been livin' there for at least 20 years… I'm just waiting for him to die already so I can move in.

Train
Perth
Australia

Overheard by: Dylann

Girl on cell: And I'm like “If you get to fuck me in the ass, then I get to fuck you!” Yeah, except then he's like, “Okay, sweet!” and I'm like, “Shit, that backfired.”

University LRT Station
Calgary
Canadia

Overheard by: thrilled commuter

Conductor (at tube stop before Finchley Road station): This train will not be stopping at Finchley Road. I repeat, this train will not be stopping at Finchley Road. (train pulls into Finchley Road, slows down and stops) This train will not be stopping at Finchley Road. (pause) I'm aware that we've actually stopped at Finchley Road, but we will not be stopping at Finchley Road.

Jubilee Underground Line
London
England

Overheard by: Tom

Awkward girl: Are you an organ donor?
Uninterested guy: No.
Awkward girl: You should donate your skin. It's nice. Non-cancerous.
Uninterested guy: I'm good.
Awkward girl: Oh. So what's up with guys always having to spread their seed?

BART Train
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Grace

Woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it's me. I just wanted to let you know that I ate an entire bag of salad last night for dinner. Um…it was like three servings. Okay, call me later.

Brown Line Train
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Patrick

Posh old lady: Well, everyone else said that daddy shot himself, but I still contend that he fell on his gun when he was cleaning it…

Tube, London
England

Overheard by: Wendy Stephens

Girl to friends (while reading horoscope page): I guess it means that, as an Aries, I should just embrace the fact that I'm better than people! (pause) Well, not better, just cooler.

Metro Red Line
Washington, DC

Overheard by: felonaz

Conductor: Stamford, Stamford stop is…ooh, did you see those two baby reindeer?!

MetroNorth Train
Stamford, Connecticut