Substitute teacher to class: I have a theory that everything in the world is derived from grilled cheese sandwiches.
Student: What about things made out of meat? You know, like animals and people?
Substitute teacher: That's where my theory ends.
High School, Missouri
Overheard by: can's wait to graduate
Prof: So, how's everything at home?
Italian cafe worker: My dog died.
Prof: Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Was he old?
Italian cafe worker: Yes. But I can't bury him. The ground is frozen. There's snow.
Prof: You could have him cremated.
Italian cafe worker: I have him in my freezer. I had to clear it out, my freezer. All the food is out. I'm going to keep him there 'til mud season when I can bury him in the backyard.
Prof: Oh.
Landmark College
Putney, Vermont
Pubescent boy screaming at elderly passerby: Fuck you! Fuck you! You, right there! Fuck you! (aside) Man, I gotta write an email. (screaming again) Your mother has a dick!
Eastchester, New York
Bearded dude: Yeah… I care a lot more about my penis than I do my friends.
Not quite as bearded dude: Oh, totally.
http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/overheardinminneapolis/~3/270406952/you-know-what-they-say-about-loving-yourself.html
Overheard by: wondering if that is selfish, or self preservation…
Girl, bursting into meeting: I just caught my period, yo!
Administrator, looking up: Congratulations?
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Me
Guy in tire store uniform: I don't have time to walk through this whole store. Just point me to the scooters and the black barbies.
Toys “R” Us
St. Petersburg, Florida
Overheard by: got got got no time either
Tanorexic blonde on date: So basically the fucking doctor told me that my cervix is fucked up.
Uncomfortable-looking date: Right…
Tanorexic blonde on date: Yeah. Cunt told me that it'd be like pushing a baby through a toothpaste tube. I gotta go get it widened or some shit like that. Or that thing where they cut you open…
Uncomfortable-looking date: A caesarian?
Tanorexic blonde on date: Yeah. That's it. Baby kebab.
Leamington Spa
England
Serious hipster chick #1: So she shot him in the leg, because that was her training.
Serious hipster chick #2 (nodding understandingly): Uh-huh.
Serious hipster chick #1: And then they ended up lying feet to feet.
Art Opening
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Terry B
Flight attendant, doing safety instructions before takeoff: Pull on the tab to inflate the life vest. If that doesn't work, blow it up manually. If that doesn't work…thank you for flying Southwest.
Flight over Providence, Rhode Island
