Scruffy ponytail dude on cell: Is the dog oozing or pulsing? Tell your brother to stop squeezing the guinea pig, I can hear it squealing! (pause) Yes I can! Yes I can, Ruth*! (pause) Oh, sorry, I guess grandma sneezing does sound like the guinea pig… Just wrap the dog in a towel and I'll be home in an hour.
Tampa, Florida
Girl #1: I just got a betta fish.
Girl #2, way too excited: Oh my gosh, I have one of those! You should bring yours over for a play-date!
Bellingham, Washington
Girl, to barking dog: Don't talk to me like you know me!
Wyoming, Michigan
Overheard by: Roxie
Diminutive Asian girl: Well, I think that…
English professor: Isn’t “Balls!” such a great expression? It’s just so… you know… I give you all permission to interject and interrupt this class by shouting “Balls!” at any time for the rest of the year. Sorry, go ahead with your comment.
Diminutive Asian girl: Well, I think that…
English professor: Balls!
www.overheardatyale.com
Overheard by: overheardatyale
20-something guy: Dude, I have been waiting four to five years for this boner.
Medford, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Neme
Guys on bench to kid on phone: No, we're not gonna pee on you, we're just gonna give you a shower!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Large gentile man: I'm becoming a Jewish woman!
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Bimbo #1: Hey I remember you! Oh my god! I haven’t seen you in ages!
Bimbo #2: Yeah, I know! I totally stalked you on MySpace!
Sydney
Australia
Stoner guy: So he turned around and there were aliens in the back seat. Then he said, “Yay! Now we can have a hoe down!”
Western Kentucky University
Thug #1: Everybody calls that girl “Orangutan titties.”
Thug #2: What? Why?
Thug #1: She's the one that flashed everybody back in freshman year at that one assembly, and her titties be all pointy and shit.
Thug #2: I remember that shit, that was pretty fuckin' funny.
Thug #3 (after a long pause): Man, orangutans are fuckin' weird.
Thug #1: Yeah, monkeys be fucked up.
MDN High School, Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: I saw this whole assembly thing, too.
