Guy: I'm not exactly awake yet. Hence the espresso. (holds up cup)
Girl: Oh, you should pour it all over yourself!
Guy: I think that would be contrary to waking up.
Girl: No, no. You'd absorb the caffeine into your skin, and you'd become Awake Man! And your arch-nemesis would be the Sandman, and… and… stuff.
Saint Peter's College
New Jersey
Very tall boy on Taipei subway: You don't need to diet, you need to grow taller.
Very short girl: I would if I could.
Very tall boy: Do you want to go to the concert?
Very short girl: I don't go to concerts.
Very tall boy: Why not?
Very short girl: I can never see anything.
http://talovich.blogspot.com/2010_03_01_archive.html#7600786429606406051
Overheard by: Yugan Dali
Woman to friend: That would never happen. Not even in a fairytale you wrote your goddamn self would that happen.
Buffalo, New York
Girl: My stomach hurts…
Guy: Maybe you should stop having so much butt sex.
Jersey City, New Jersey
Woman on cell: You know what you should do? You should punch her in the temple. (pause) Well, you need to punch her in the temple so you can resolve this in a professional manner.
MARTA Train
Atlanta, Georgia
Cowboy #1, in cowboy dialect: One thing I can tell you, if one of them bites you on the lip, don't panic. Just wait till it starts to let go and then push it off of you.
Cowboy #2: You know, that's right.
Denny's
Willcox, Arizona
Overheard by: Alan B. Barley
Girl #1: It's like that old saying: abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
Girl #2: What?! Abstinence?
Girl #1: You've never heard that? It's like when you don't get any for a while, and then you do, and it's really good? You know, makes you love 'em more.
Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: it's one in the same
Conductor, at the end of introductory speech: And, ladies and gentlemen, in the event of an emergency… you all know what to do.
Train
St. Louis, Missouri
Woman: Well, they tie the sheep up to a stake and use it as bait.
Man: Really?
Woman: Yeah, just tie it on up and you're set…
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Bait for what?
Flight attendant: Just for future reference, when flying into O'Hare, Xanax is your friend.
O'Hare Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: NeededSome
