Waiter: Does anyone have a green Firebird?
20-something lesbian: I do, why?
Waiter: It's on fire in the parking lot!
(20-something lesbian and girlfriend go outside and return ten minutes later)
Waitress: Is everything okay?
20-something lesbian, matter of factly: Yeah, my car just caught fire. Can we have another plate?
Girlfriend, unaffected: Also, she ordered tempura.
Sushi Garden
Tucson, Arizona
Bartender: I can’t believe she rides her bike to work.
Waitress: Well, she lives just around the corner.
Bartender: I don’t care. If I lived in the parking lot, I would still drive to work.
Phoenix, Arizona
Guy sitting on bench: So can I borrow your crack pipe tomorrow?
Girl sitting next to him: No, it's dirty, remember? I still need to wash it out.
Tempe, Arizona
Overheard by: Travis
Dude: And then we had to carry Elizabeth *three blocks* back to my place because she was too wide to fit in the car.
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Guy on phone: So what are we doing after bible study? Beers? Ladies?
Arizona State University
Overheard by: Tiffany
Chick: Today sucks. I failed my math test and I smell like meat products.
Arizona
Student: What are you eating?
Teacher: My bracelet… it’s made of anti-depressants.
Tucson, Arizona
20-something trendy gangster: I'm just there for looks, you know? (pause) I'm like the sculpture of David, chiseled and beautiful.
University of Arizona
Chick: So, what’s so special about this phone other than making millions of people shit their pants simultaneously?
Guy: It hasn’t got any buttons, or some-such. It can tell who you want to call by reading your mind. Also, it smells like flowers and tastes like bacon. Which is handy, since it can regrow its own skin. And fly.
Chick: Well, I’ll be.
Scottsdale, Arizona
Overheard by: I did NOT shit my pants.
Customer, bursting through door: Is there a gentleman here named “male libido?”
Bartender: Yep!
Prescott, Arizona
Overheard by: The Colinator
