Blind old lady to old lady friend: Oh my, you started peeing so fast.
Old lady friend: Yes, it's because I stand up.
Blind old lady: Ohhhh…
Old lady friend: Yes, not a lot of women know how to stand up, you know.
Blind old lady: Yes, that's true. My mother used to stand.
CSULA Women's Bathroom
California
Overheard by: itshahaholly
Female barista: He's going to Tel Aviv or something. I don't even know where that is.
Male barista: Tel Aviv?
Female barista: Yeah, it's like in Egypt or something, I think.
Male barista: Oh, wait, no, that's the tv station.
Female barista: What?
Male barista: Yeah, it's like their version of the BBC.
Starbucks
Orinda, California
Guy, mournfully: Tiger fights are so generic now…
Westwood, California
Girl to girlfriend: If our burritos were in jail, my burrito would rape your burrito.
Chipotle
Northridge, California
Confused elderly female patient, trying to punch staff: If you kill me, my family will hunt you down and take all your money!
Nurse's aide, trying to clean up patient: Yeah, we hear that a lot.
Hospital
Burlingame, California
Persian guy #1: So are you going to go out with her again?
Persian guy #2: Yeah, she's a cool girl, man. She likes techno and brands…
Los Angeles, California
Emphatic woman: See? That's why this is your first marriage!
Sherman Oaks, California
Guy: It was a teeth-optional place, but hey, I was a drug addict, so I'm not all that and a bag of chips either.
Los Angeles, California
Guy #1: Dude, you really need to end your obsession with black face, it's offensive.
Guy #2: Hell no, I'm bringing it back!
Fullerton, California
Young lady with English accent, on cell: I told you I was going to be home in 15 minutes. (pause) I'm going to kill you. I'm going to stab you in the eye with a fork.
Chico, California
Overheard by: xfleshxwoundx
