Professor: Please don't talk amongst yourselves. When you talk amongst yourselves, I imagine you're saying horrible things like “Who would ever want to shag him?”
Previously chatting student: Don't worry! We all want to shag you!
University of Glasgow
Scotland
UK
College student: I think I hate sleep more than I hate Snapple.
University of Delaware
Smithie: Why do I go to college if my only ambition is to be a constantly drunk trophy wife?
Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Colleen
Girl in statistics class: She told me, “you're gay.” How can I be gay? I had four–no, five and a half–servings of dick this morning.
Saint Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey
Hottied-out college girl: So I was, like, drunk, and I fell down on the bed, and he helped me up with his balls. (friends stare uncomfortably) What? That's not a euphemism for sex! He *literally* helped me up with his balls.
University of Delaware
Guy on cell phone: I think it would look really bad if you gave me a check for $1000.
University Library
Montreal
Canadia
Teacher: If you could be any vegetable, what would you be?
Random black student: I'd be a strawberry.
University of Florida
Overheard by: amused greatly
Girl in library #1: My intro and conclusion are really bad.
Girl in library #2: It's okay… an essay with a bad intro and conclusion is like a hot guy in dirty clothes.
Dalhousie University
Canadia
Friend #1, totally serious: Wait, who's Ron Paul?
Friend #2, joking: He's an African warlord.
Friend #1, still totally serious: He can't be! Africans don't have real names!
Grinnell College
Grinnell, Iowa
Overheard by: Goron
Undergrad student: Where are the nursing faculty?
University secretary: Pumping.
College
Missouri
Overheard by: rami
