One More and She Gets a Set of Steak Knives

Guy on cell: The trial's today… Um… No…for the last time mom was in jail.

16th Street
Denver, Colorado

Posted on December 8, 2008
Colorado, Crimes, Default, Family ties, Guys, On the phone, Weirdness

The Same Issue Carmen Electra Has Every Saturday Night

Professor about poem A Wife's Lament: The real issue we are dealing with with this woman is how many guys are involved and in what kinds of positions.

Univsersity of Colorado, Denver

Posted on November 16, 2008
Books, Colorado, Default, Gender issues, Sexuality, Words

Then Why Have I Seen Paintings of It?

Psychology professor, on the topic of conditioning: Well, you can't spank a dolphin!

UCCS
Colorado Springs, Colorado

Overheard by: really?

Posted on October 26, 2008
Animals, Colleges & Universities, Colorado, Default, Teachers, Violence

As Friends

White guy: So, is it true that when you die you go to heaven and get forty virgins to do whatever with?
Muslim guy: No, that's wrong. It's heaven: you get as many virgins as you want.

Liberty High School
Colorado Springs, Colorado

Posted on October 7, 2008
Colorado, Compare and contrast, Guys, Questions, Religion, Religious fanatics, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Sexuality, Whiteys

If Only Our Current Administration Could Grasp That Principle

Teacher: Hey! Who was screaming?
Three-year-old: I was.
Teacher: Well, stop screaming inside.
Three-year-old: Sam* was screaming.
Teacher: Look, important lesson for the future: keep your lies consistent.

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Lee

Posted on September 25, 2008
Colorado, Default, Education, Kids, Lies, Questions, Teachers

For the Last Time, Those Strippers Were There to Help Make a Quilt

Six-year-old boy: What happens at grandma's stays at grandma's!
Mother: Ssssshhhhhhhhh!

Wal-Mart
Grand Junction, Colorado

Overheard by: Vanessa

Posted on September 22, 2008
Colorado, Default, Family ties, Guys, Kids, Malls, Moms, Words

Whoever Cares the Least Wins the Fight

Woman (sarcastically): I'm sorry, I'm such a bitch.
Man: Hmm…
Woman: You think I'm a bitch, don't you?
Man: I didn't say that.
Woman: You didn't disagree with me.
Man: You know yourself better than I do.
Woman: I can't believe you called me a bitch.
Man: I didn't call you a bitch, you called yourself a bitch.
Woman: But you didn't tell me I'm not a bitch.
Man: Because you're acting like a bitch.
Woman: See? You think I'm a bitch!
Man: I said you were acting like a bitch.
Woman: Whats the difference?
Man: Dustin Hoffman acted like a retard, but it doesn't mean he is one.
Woman: I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but you're a dick for thinking I'm a bitch.
Man: Do you mean I'm acting like a dick or I am a dick?
Woman: Fuck you! (storms out)
Man: Too easy. Caramel Macchiato please!

Starbucks
Westminster, Colorado

Posted on September 21, 2008
About celebrities, Colorado, Compare and contrast, Default, Guys, Insults, Movies, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants, Weirdness, Women

And So Short-Sighted

Girl to gay man: Well, if you're going to be a whore, be a classy whore!
Gay man: That's so hot.

Grand Junction, Colorado

Posted on September 5, 2008
Advice, Colorado, Default, Girls, Queers, Sexuality

Mini-Meanie, We'd Call Him

Freakishly tall chick: Could you imagine a primordial dwarf in my family? The kid would kill me as soon as they could wield a weapon of some kind, because I'd laugh at them so much.
Friend: Or he'd turn the hatred outwards, and be a serial killer. Oh man, could you imagine, a primordial dwarf serial killer?
Freakishly tall chick: That would be awesome.

Aurora, Colorado

Overheard by: Lee

Posted on September 5, 2008
Colorado, Crimes, Default, Friends, Girls, Kids, Questions, Weirdness

But Then You Have to Live with It Haunting Your Dreams

Chick: You have never truly lived until you have been surrounded by drunk Welsh rugby fans singing I Touch Myself.

International Airport
Denver, Colorado

Posted on August 7, 2008
Airports & flights, Chicks, Colorado, Default, Drinking & drunks, Gripes, Music