Blonde: So, he calls me drunk at two o’clock in the morning and tells me our relationship has barnacles.
Brunette: What?!
Blonde: He compared our relationship to ship that has barnacles on it!
Brunette: Um…
Blonde: So now I’m like, ‘Should I read into this?’
Psych building, Washington University
St. Louis, Missouri
Goateed gentleman: I tried to teach her that certain words for things were different, like that toothpaste was actually “poop,” but I think I waited until she was a bit too old.
Mars Volta Concert, Rams Head Live
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Greeg
Guest lecturer: My pants are animate, socks are inanimate.
Linguistics professor: Did you just say your pants are animate?
Guest lecturer: Yes, if it's near your genitals it's animate.
Winnipeg
Manitoba
Canadia
Overheard by: Breanne
Girl to friend: So, there was this cute guy, and I was standing behind him, and he just started laying eggs!
Government Center
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: meems
Guy: And then I was skipping down the street naked. I put my underpants back on after the girl realized that I wasn't wearing anything, though.
Portsmouth, Rhode Island
Angry girl in bank drive-through, on phone: Hey, bitch! That girl you had me with last night? Her cunt tasted like fish!
Bank teller: (speechless)
Coralville, Iowa
Overheard by: KC
Girl: Did you see American Pie last night?
Guy: American Pie? But that's a dirty movie, I thought you were frigid.
Girl: I am frigid but I still watch tv.
Kerry Foods
Ireland
Teen girl #1: You know, in some ways I really despise you.
Teen girl #2: What?!
Teen girl #1: It's okay, I didn't mean it; I just wanted to say something to hurt your feelings!
Shropshire
England
Penn student #1, looking at sculpture: Oh my god, I, like, totally hate art.
Penn student #2: I know, right? They should just buy us all laptops instead.
Locust Walk
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
First grade boy: I had two girlfriends but I lost one.
First grade girl: Didn't one of them kiss you?
First grade boy: Yeah, Hannah told Alexis to kiss whoever she liked more, and it was me and this other girl, and she was going to kiss her, but then she kissed me and we've been together for, like, forever.
First grade girl: Yeah.
Lakeville, Massachusetts
Overheard by: was still playing with barbies- clothed
