Crimes

But It Was a Planned Incarceration

Obese John Wayne wannabe: I can’t believe we are not hanging out tonight.
Gap tooth hootchie: I told you I made plans with my friends a month ago!
Obese John Wayne wannabe: Well you’re supposed to be hanging out with me. We never hang out anymore and we are boyfriend and girlfriend!
Gap tooth hootchie: We were supposed to hang out this past Saturday and Sunday but we didn’t! You were not fucking there.
Obese John Wayne wannabe: I had a change of plans!
Gap tooth hootchie: Change of plans?! Muthafucker you were in jail!

Bus
Iowa State University, Iowa

Overheard by: Casey

Or Is That Necrophilia?

Social problems teacher: So what are some social problems that affect us today?
Female student: Murder?
Teacher: Yeah, that’s good. [writes it on the white board.] Any others?
Male student: Narcissism?
Teacher: I don’t quite understand…
Male student: Well if people are falling asleep all the time and they don’t know it…

Grand Rapids Community College
Grand Rapids, Michigan

…Full Of Heroin?

Middle-aged black woman to husband: Baby, you remember that time I shot you?

CVS
Indianapolis, Indiana

Since Alf Went Out Of the Business

Girl, getting up to leave: Gotta go meet flipper down by the docks, he's bringing me a shipment of cocaine.

http://www.overheardatmcgill.com/archives/2008/04/04/amk-freebase-willy/

Overheard by: Ben

And a Fun and Flirty One

Girl, returning from holidays in America: So yeah, I got put in actual jail.
Friend: For drinking on the beach?
Girl: Yup, got the orange jumpsuit and all.
Friend: Did you get to keep it?
Girl: I didn't like to ask, to be honest. Would've been a savage souvenir, though.

UCC Campus
Ireland

When Was the Last Time You Got 20 Years for Jaywalking?

Guy: Statutory rape is the jaywalking of sex crimes!

Interbay Golf
Seattle, Washington

It Just Pops Out

Law student: She just gets all boner-fied about civil procedure.

Mississippi College School of Law

While I'm Sober, for Once.

Suit lady #1: So how was your weekend?
Suit lady #2: Oh, it was really good. I went to a jail.
Suit lady #1: Really? I've never been to a jail.
Suit lady #2: Yeah, neither had I… it was really good.
Suit lady #1: I've always wanted to go to a jail.
Suit lady #2: Yeah, you probably will… I thought “Seeing as I'm putting people in there, I should probably find out what it's like.”

Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: Cassie Barlow

It’s in My Sippy Cup Right Now

Second grade teacher: Okay, so if you are what you eat, what food would you be?
Student #1: Cake!
Student #2: Candy!
Student #3: Beer!
Second grade teacher: No, you can’t choose that. It’s illegal for you to drink beer.
Student #3: But I drink it all the time!

St. Catharine’s
Ontario
Canadia

…To Cut Coke with

Girl #1: So I unplugged the phone before I left, so the school can't call my mom to say I'm not at school.
Girl #2: Oh, that's pretty smart.
Girl #1: I also took my dad's credit card.

Train
Chicago, Illinois

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