It’s in My Sippy Cup Right Now

Second grade teacher: Okay, so if you are what you eat, what food would you be?
Student #1: Cake!
Student #2: Candy!
Student #3: Beer!
Second grade teacher: No, you can’t choose that. It’s illegal for you to drink beer.
Student #3: But I drink it all the time!

St. Catharine’s
Ontario
Canadia

Posted on June 4, 2018
Canadia, Comebacks, Crimes, Default, Food, Kids, Questions, Students, Teachers

…To Cut Coke with

Girl #1: So I unplugged the phone before I left, so the school can't call my mom to say I'm not at school.
Girl #2: Oh, that's pretty smart.
Girl #1: I also took my dad's credit card.

Train
Chicago, Illinois

Posted on February 7, 2018
Crimes, Girls, Illinois, Parenting, Train

Tennessee Teenagers Have Only Two Options

Loud smoking kid: Man, I gotta help out at vacation bible school next week.
Girl: Why?
Loud smoking kid: I promised Zach I would if I wasn't in jail.

Sewanee, Tennessee

Posted on December 28, 2017
Christianity, Crimes, Education, Girls, Guys, Questions, Smokers, Tennessee

But at Least I'm Passing His Biology Class This Time

Preppy girl on cell: Yeah. He just got out of jail and he's hitting on me again.

Salem Community High School
Salem, Illinois

Overheard by: LiLlistna

Posted on November 14, 2017
Crimes, Girls, Illinois, On the phone, Preppies, Relationships, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Threats

In Cambridge? Perish the Thought.

Girl to friend: We're under a bridge! I feel like a crack dealer.

Midsummer Common
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Anti-Math

Posted on August 21, 2017
Crimes, Drugs, Friends, Girls, Massachusetts, Stupidity

I’m Thinking, I’m Thinking!

Prof: Do you think that kicking a pregnant woman in the stomach was wrong?
Student: Ummmm… I’m not certain.
Prof: Do you think that what he did was a crime?
[Student pauses for nearly 30 seconds.]Student #2: Dude, he kicked a baby.

Seton Hall Law
Newark, New Jersey

Posted on May 26, 2017
Class, Crimes, New Jersey, Philosophy, Pregnancy, Questions, Stomach, Students, Teachers, Violence

…To Paraphrase Nietzsche

White trash woman on cell: Yeah, she OD'ed, right? I just got out of jail for murder. “Your mom died of overdose” is what she told her. You need to stop telling people all this, I could get locked up for a long time. You told Heather and everybody, she knew all about what I did. But…I don't know, she said to call her. She's at her house, I guess. Look, you don't do shitty things to people that are there for you, you do shitty things to people that are not there for you.

Computer Science Department
Ohio State University

Overheard by: Now Heather and I are both in on the secret

Posted on May 11, 2017
Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Crimes, Default, Drugs, Family ties, Fears, Offers and requests, Ohio, On the phone, Weirdness, Women

The Fine Print on the U.S. Constitution

Woman: You should never kill people, especially if you’re poor!

Halifax
Nova Scotia
Canadia

Overheard by: there goes my plan

Posted on December 2, 2016
Advice, Canadia, Crimes, Death & dying, Default, Murder, Stupidity, Women

Motherfucking Dog

Dude: But he fucked my mom!
Friend: Well, you did steal his dog.
Dude: Yeah, I guess.

Flea Market
Tennessee

Overheard by: Mouse

Posted on May 6, 2016
Animals, Crimes, Default, Family ties, Friends, Guys, Sex, Tennessee

Given That We Shoot Burglars on Sight

Guy: So you still living in Yeoville?
Girl: Yeah. I love it. I've got great rent. And last time I checked crime stats, our house break-ins were way lower than other places.

Johannesburg
South Africa

Overheard by: Kingmo!

Posted on May 3, 2016
Africa, Crimes, Geography, Girls, Guys, Questions

Crimes