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Girl: I really like playing with grass…also, I think I'm going to crazy one day.

John Mayer Concert
Holmdel, New Jersey

(at the woodcarving tent)
Pretentious old lady to others: Mike does amazing things with his wood. (pause) I just *love* his wood.

Art & Wine Festival
Cave Creeek, Arizona

Overheard by: J-Kap

Teacher: Does anyone know how to spell that?
(silence)
Student: Looks like it’s time to whip out the dic!
Teacher: Some words should *not* be shortened.

High School Classroom
Rhode Island

Rowdy child in shopping cart: Mom! What's that?
Tired mom: Spam.
Rowdy child: Mom! Can we get it? Can we get it, mom? Mom? Can we? Mom!
Tired mom: No.
(rowdy child starts freaking out)
Tired mom: Okay! Fine, but will you eat it?
Rowdy child: Nope…I just like attention.

Sobey's
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: aleXis

Tween boy: I'm going to make Buddha the theme of my Bar Mitzvah.
Uninterested yuppie mom: Mmhmmm.

TJ Maxx
Swampscott, Massachusetts

Overheard by: money well spent

Roommate on phone: You've gotta get through the ribcage.

University of Oklahoma
Norman, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Wondering what they're planning.

(five-year-old boy is slapping and punching packages of beef and pork)
Father: Josh! Stop slapping the meat.
Bystander: (laughs out loud)
Father (hissing): No! Not that!

Safeway
Colorado Springs, Colorado

Overheard by: TK

20-something girl: My ass hurts and my throat is sore. I also feel very underwhelmed.

San Francisco, California

20-something girl: If anyone ever punches me, all of the turtles in western Pennsylvania will get together, form a giant stack, and bite that person.
20-something guy: Wow. Like Voltron?
20-something girl: Why did I marry you?
20-something guy: *Because* I say things like that.
20-something girl (sighing): Yeah, you're right.

Walnut St
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Loud 30-something man on cell, while waiting in line for pizza: I can't wait till I'm on my way home so that I can give you a definitive get naked!

Airport
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Kate R.