Hipster girl: I don't know, she just smells amazing. Her entire face smells like corn tortilla!
American Apparel
San Francisco, California
Hipster girl: I don't know, she just smells amazing. Her entire face smells like corn tortilla!
American Apparel
San Francisco, California
Waiter: Does anyone have a green Firebird?
20-something lesbian: I do, why?
Waiter: It's on fire in the parking lot!
(20-something lesbian and girlfriend go outside and return ten minutes later)
Waitress: Is everything okay?
20-something lesbian, matter of factly: Yeah, my car just caught fire. Can we have another plate?
Girlfriend, unaffected: Also, she ordered tempura.
Sushi Garden
Tucson, Arizona
Big and buff male barista to bigger and buffer male customer (excitedly): And then you can bring the tutu!
Maroubra Junction
Sydney
Australia
Girl: So everyone's like “why don't you just borrow one off someone?” but, like, who has a power drill just lying around? Anyway, then I'd have to go on YouTube to work out how to use it.
Melbourne
Australia
Three-year-old girl: Can I open this?
Dad: No. There are two hundred and fifty matches in there, and they’re going to fall all over the place.
Three-year-old girl: But I promise I won’t eat them.
Harvest Co-Op
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Teen gay guy: Hey, do you ever color your nipples?
Teen girl: Huh?
Teen gay guy: When you get bored you, don't take a Sharpie and color your nipples? (pulls up shirt and points) See, this one's pink and this one's blue.
Teen girl: Um…no, I don't.
Oregon
Overheard by: nyssa
Teen (brandishing Nerf gun): I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I'm gonna shoot you right in the mouth!
Small boy: Noooo! No more Nerf kisses!
Simi Valley, California
Overheard by: the mster
Band instructor, about section: No, no, clarinets! It has to be short! Like pizzicato–pluck it, like a g string!
Band students: (attempting to contain laughter)
Instructor: Aww, c'mon, what the hell!
High School
Mattawan, Michigan
Professor: And if rubbing dog doo on a child's coat makes me a bastard, then so be it.
University of Kentucky
Overheard by: Still laughing a semester later.
Student whose dessert slid off the plate: Nice try, cheesecake. You’ve only postponed the inevitable.
Michigan State University
Michigan
Overheard by: MrCandey
