Tired-looking 40-something man, the day after the election: I have an Obama-over. Too many hope-and-change shooters.

Bethesda, Maryland

Man answering phone: Hey baby, so how much? Oh god that's money we could be savin! Or to go to the game! Well we gotta get her teeth fixed. What she do break her whole god-damn braces out her whole mouff? … No she gotta have teeth, baby… Its just 3 steps forward 2 back. Yeah baby… I know. Yeah bye.
Same guy #2 minutes later, angrily speaking thru clenched teeth on phone:
Mom, you better be ready this time cause I'm tired and cranky and every time I'm always waitin for you to get ready. I'm in newark now, go get your clothes on or you aint goin. Yes! Be ready or I'm leavin your ass home… Yeah mom… Bye bye mommy. Be ready. Bye.

NJ transit Newark > NYC

Overheard by: rick

Mother to little boy: No, you're not supposed to bite it. You just suck on it til it gets soft.

Bakery
Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: Dot

Dumb college girl: Do you know what deodorant does when you put it on your tongue? It dries it. Because deodorant is an anti-wettant.

George Mason University
Fairfax County, Virginia

Overheard by: Caileigh

Religion professor: If you don't got no bees, you don't got no food.

University of Toronto
Canadia

Professor: So it looks like we have three more penetrations next week.
Class: (awkward silence)
Professor: I meant “presentations,” three presentations next week.

Rome
Italy

Overheard by: Uncomfortable Student

Guy: Did you know you had a flat tire?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: How long have you been driving on it?
Girl: I don't know… two or three days?

Sparkill, New York

Customer: Hi, could you tell me what the London Fog tea latte tastes like?
Barista: Yeah, it's uh… Kind of uh… Sweet, with notes of… tea.

Starbucks
St. Louis, Missouri

Guy: She tricked me! I didn't know she was a hooker.

Halifax
Nova Scotia
Canadia

Asian chick: My dog is black, but not the scary kind.

Louie G's, Princeton NJ

Overheard by: Ladle