Man to friends: Dude, I believe in Jesus the same way I believe in Batman — the awesome way!
Park Tavern
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: lauren
Kid in cafeteria: Yeah, that was the night we watched Shrek and made love for the first time.
East Lansing, Michigan
Overheard by: Cammie
Female customer: I would never do anything with someone other than my boyfriend.
Male customer: You cheated on your husband!
Female customer: I wasn’t in love with my husband.
Visible Voice Books
Cleveland, Ohio
Teacher: It should be written in the dress code, ‘Girls with bouncy boobs need to cover them up.’ Seriously! These girls are one bounce away from getting tips!
Jackson Memorial High School
New Jersey
Overheard by: Diana
Professor: I found the same paper that you turned in as your term paper on the Internet, word for word. That’s plagiarizing!
Student: All right, I’ll tell you the truth — I didn’t have time to write the term paper, so I paid somebody else to do it for me. But honest, I didn’t know he’d plagiarize it!
College
New York
Overheard by: DizzyLizzy
Professor: So, the point of this lecture is never, ever buy a squirrel monkey. They will plot your demise and gouge your eyes out in your sleep.
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Chick on cell: You can do that naked?!
Dude: Honey, you can do a lot of things naked.
Blockbuster Video
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: Revulsion of People
Chick: Oh my god, look at this baby! It is so ugly! I didn’t think babies were allowed to be ugly!
University of Denver
Denver, Colorado
Chick, breaking long silence: Look! An Asian!
Everyone on bus, in unison: Yay!
High school bus
Englewood, Colorado
Girl #1: So, what’s your idea of the perfect guy?
Girl #2: Oh, I know what she’ll say! Jesus.
Girl #3, blushing: She’s right.
Girl #1, rolling eyes: Ugh! But you can’t go down on Jesus… can you?
Franklin, North Carolina
Overheard by: J-Bake-Oh
