[Three intoxicated college girls are walking along the street. One trips, falls, and all three laugh hysterically. An unmarked police van passes by]Cop, yelling out of the window: Looks like three underage drinking tickets right there!
Girl #1: We’re all 21!
Cop: Well, it looks like you’re 4!
Girl #2: Looks like you’re 37 and looking for a boyfriend!
Madison, Wisconsin
Very drunk 20-something in kebab shop: I'll have… a large chips… with ketchup… and mayonnaise. (pause) A quarter pounder cheese and bacon burger with extra cheese and bacon. Two pieces of fried chicken… with chili sauce… and a ten-inch pepperoni pizza.
Sober friend #1: Fucking hell, mate, that's a lot of food…
Sober friend #2: Aren't you supposed to be on a diet?
Kebab shop guy, in heavy Cypriot accent: Yeah! He's on a fucking American diet!
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
Drunk man: I’m trashed to the tits!
Harvard
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Head
Drunk girl to hot guy in “if you lick them they will come”: Nice shirt!
Hot guy, turning around: How about you “come” with me tonight, baby?
Downtown Orlando, Florida
Grungy young man, after loudly prattling on about drinking 12 Smirnoffs a day, weed, and massage therapy: I didn't believe in the inner-spiritual plane until I saw my unborn child's soul whisked away.
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Anon Y. Mouse
Drunk man: Where have you been all my life?
Drunk woman: At the bowling alley!
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: L3Gagneur
Drunk guy holding a forty: Malt liquor. This is going to get us buff, yo.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Meech
