Or the Word “Dyke” Ever Again

Teacher: So, for the final sentence we should get some sort of metaphor for tax cuts helping the US recession.
Student #1: Hmm… Hey, you know like, the commercial where they put gum in the hole in the dam to stop the leak?.
Student #2: Or the finger!
Teacher: Oh, you mean in the dyke!
Student #1: Yeah, so… Tax cuts would be the finger in the hole of America’s dyke?
Teacher: Maybe we shouldn’t use a metaphor.

English Essentials Class
Waimea, Hawaii

Overheard by: boehmface

Posted on February 7, 2016
Advice, Education, Hawaii, History, Politics, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Sexuality, Students, Teachers, Words

Was College Ever About Learning?

Lecturer, about exam questions: I mislead you on purpose. I have to get some sense of perverse pleasure out of designing these questions. I sit at home going “aahahahahahaa!” (rubs hands gleefully)

Irish Culture Lecture
University of Zurich
Switzerland

Posted on February 5, 2016
Character, Education, Europe, Teachers, Weirdness

I Know It’s True –I Heard It from a Christian Rapper

Teacher: So when you have sex with someone who isn’t a virgin, your spirit is having sex with the spirits of everyone that person had sex with.

Religion Classroom
El Paso, Texas

Posted on January 25, 2016
Education, Religion, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Sex, Teachers, Texas, Virginity, Weirdness

I’m Not Allowed to Use Them at Home

Biology professor, on earthworm digestive systems: And I’m including this part because I enjoy saying words like “anus”.

South Dakota State University
South Dakota

Posted on January 21, 2016
Animals, Body parts, Class, Creepsters, Education, Science, South Dakota, Teachers, Weirdness, Wishes, Words

But, in the Future, Please Confine Your Questions to Topics in English Literature

Professor: And so in REM sleep you'll get penile erection and vaginal lubrication. You know, the fun stuff. (class laughs) Well, your eyes aren't the only things that are moving!

York University
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: studious student

Posted on January 18, 2016
Canadia, Education, Penis, Sex, Teachers, Vagina

Though Not As Shitty As If You Had Rampant Syphilis. Trust Me.

Biology professor: This Friday I'm going to talk about STIs, and you're all going to have a shitty weekend.

Alton, Illinois

Overheard by: M

Posted on January 14, 2016
Education, Illinois, STDs, Teachers, Threats

Aced It!

Girl, after US history exam: How did you do on the essays?
Serious boy: Well, I drew hand turkeys on three pages of the answer booklet, and on the fourth I drew a picture of Samuel Glompers riding a tortoise while holding a marble cake.

High School Gymnasium
West Palm Beach, Florida

Posted on January 8, 2016
Animals, Default, Education, Florida, Food, Girls, Guys, Questions, School [Elem., Middle, & High]

Or Come To Office Hours and I'll Show You

80-something religious studies professor: Do you all know what circumcision is? (class stares at him) Okay. Well, if you don't, don't ask here. Wait for an appropriate time and ask a friend outside of class.

Canisius College
Buffalo, New York

Posted on December 30, 2015
Colleges & Universities, Default, Education, Health & Hygiene, New York, Old folks, Questions, Teachers

On the Plus Side, Now I Get to Try Out My New Paddle.

Professor: So where does the blood go then?
Student: The heart?
Professor: Good answer, too bad it's wrong.

Gold Coast
Australia

Posted on December 16, 2015
Australia, Compare and contrast, Compliments, Default, Education, Questions, Students, Teachers

Um, Why Does Your Sippy Cup Smell Like Martini?

Two-year-old, holding plastic dinosaur up to ear: Uh-huh, mommy, it's been a really hard day.
Teacher: It's been a hard day, huh?
Two-year-old: Excuse me, I'm on the phone!

Preschool
Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Lee

Posted on December 8, 2015
Colorado, Education, Kids, Teachers, Weirdness

Education