30-something gay man to friend: I don’t know if he is gay or not, but he worked at Starbucks and he had a lisp.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Peter Piper
Archive for the ‘Gays’ Category
Acute Infection’s Not All That Cute
Drunk gay guy in pub garden, at top of voice: So I got hepatitis c when I was fisting this guy… There was blood everywhere.
Leamington Spa
England
Overheard by: Bleep
This Season’s Most Unlikely Love Story
Girl, looking at video games: If I had a sword that pimp, I would just kill people all day and run around.
Boy following her: Girl, if you had a sword that pimp I would stop being gay and make you stop to make love to me.
Girl, looking appalled: I’d be busy killing people, though.
Boy, matter-of-factly: Well… I’d make you stop every thirteen kills.
Random Walmart
Boise, Idaho
Overheard by: Bunnee
You Haven’t Lived ‘Til You’ve Seen Me Applaud with Them.
Cute girl: I have great tits!
Gay friend, skeptically: I guess they’re nice…
Cute girl: No, really. Each of my last four boyfriends or longish-term hookup buddies were ass-men when they met me, and by the time we split, they’d each been converted to boob-men.
Gay friend, still skeptical: That may just mean your ass isn’t great.
Cute girl: Damn, you’re so cup-half-empty. My ass is great. My tits are just phenomenal.
Manhattan, New York
So What If It Was During an Airport Body-Cavity Search?
Fag hag, about friend’s boyfriend: Well, at least he has a nice guitar.
Fag: No one notices a guy’s guitar on the first date…except maybe you.
Fag hag: Hey, at least someone fingered my g‑string recently.
Jacksonville, Florida
Overheard by: Ari
Just Call Me Tweedle Diva
Fat black chick: Yo, real women got curves, nigga.
Black queer: Yeah, bitch, curves. You only got one big curve! (traces circle in air)
Bus
Tallahassee, Florida
Overheard by: Dropper of Eaves
Like Sand on the Beach, So Are the Balls Of Our Lives
Gay #1: One guy likes to have his junk stepped on, but no punches in them.
Gay #2: Ow!
Gay #1: I don’t like balls in my toes, though.
Gay #2: Just think of it as sand on a beach!
Starbucks
Somerville, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Scott
My Dad Always Dreamed I’d Say That to a Lady
Gay dressing room associate: Did you find everything alright today?
Attractive female shopper: Everything except a pair of pants.
Gay dressing room associate: We’ll just have to find you a pair, then.
Attractive female shopper: No, that’s alright. The pants here never fit me correctly.
Gay dressing room associate: Well, I’ll see if I can’t fit you in my pants.
Attractive female shopper: Wait… What?
Banana Republic
Marin, California
Is That Yiddish for “a Moment”?
Tall gay 20-something male on cell: My niece died. I need a Fresca.
CVS
Boston, Massachusetts
The Original Screenplay for Waiting to Exhale Left Something to Be Desired
Gay white male, exiting train: I can only go ten stops without smoking a cigarette, otherwise I get angry!
Old black female, entering train: Damn, mo’ sugar in here than a tank of Kool-Aid.
Orange Line
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Cryptic C62
