Seven-year-old girl with speech impediment: I told everyone in class I was going to the Kentucky Derby.
Mother: Did people know what the Derby was?
Seven-year-old girl: Alicia didn't! She was like “what is the Derby?” but everyone else in the class knew!
Mother: Well, that is because she is from Russia.
Seven-year-old girl: And New Hampshire.
Mother: She's from Russia.
Seven-year-old girl: And New Hampshire?…I told her I was sorry she was adopted.
Southwest Flight above Chicago, Illinois
Engineer #1: We’re playing my little ponies?!
Engineer #2: Oh, god.
Engineer #1: Dude, we’re gonna fucking kill them! [Laughs maniacally].
Northwestern University
Evanston, Illinois
Bleached blonde, looking at hair dye: Oh! This is totally my hair color!
Brunette: No, it's not.
Bleached blonde: Well, it would be… If it changed.
Roscoe, Illinois
Overheard by: Dumbfounded Beauty Advisor
Woman holding long sweater: Excuse me, do you work here?
Employee: Yes.
Woman: What is this? Is this a dress?
Employee: It's one of those… long… sweaters…
H&M, Water Tower Place
Chicago, Illinois
Young guy: Dude, some guy dropped his baby on my foot earlier.
Illinois
Overheard by: munder
Teen girl: Well, I was gonna do my project on, like, abstinence. But then I figured everyone in our class already isn’t anyway.
High School
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Kristin D
Hooker, yelling at pimp in parked car: Lemme axe you somethin: fuck you!
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: rob w.
Professor walking through the hall: Well I guess I’d have to be spanked then.
Asian grad student: That’s why they’re called “accidents”!
University of Illinois
Ditz #1: …and then I was like, “Why did I fail spring semester, sir?” and then he was like, “You asked me if The Odyssey was an actual event, and stated that it was in every one of your papers on the subject, even after I told you it wasn't.”
Ditz #2: Wait, it wasn't?
Loyola University
Chicago, Illinois
