Middle-aged man to 20-something bookseller: You've got that sort of hair that men love to mess up…
Overheard by: envious
Little boy to younger brother: I'm 'bout to choke you!
Mother, to all children: I'm 'bout to choke all y'all!
Little boy: Together, mama?
Overheard by: Jessica
40-something: No one really knows just what goes into running a chicken farm.
Overheard by: Let's Keep It That Way
Hottie: Here ya go — put this in your man-purse for me, please.
Indie boyfriend, indignantly: It’s not a man-purse! It’s a medical evac bag!
Hottie: Okay. You got any bandages or sterile alcohol in there?
Indie boyfriend: … No.
Hottie: Yeah, right — it’s a man-purse. [Guy sullenly puts item in bag.]
Target, Saint Matthews
Teen girl #1: Oh! Did I tell you my sister finally had her baby?
Teen girl #2: How long have you had a sister?
Overheard by: Tracy
Kid: I want Skittles.
Mom: We have M&Ms at home. We don’t need any more candy.
Kid, after long pause: The Skittles telled me they’re lonesome. They want to go home and see their friends, the M&Ms.
Mom: Nice try, but no… Skittles and M&Ms don’t frequent the same social circles, anyway.
Overheard by: He-Man Skittle-Haters Club
Professor: And if rubbing dog doo on a child's coat makes me a bastard, then so be it.
University of Kentucky
Overheard by: Still laughing a semester later.
Guy, weighing himself: 176. Hmm, hold on a minute, I gotta go shit.
Guy at desk: Alright.
(5 minutes later)
Guy, weighing himself: 170. Goddamn.
Sorority girl to another, sitting in booth: Girl, I was double-fisted all night long last night!
Gay dude #1, quite loudly, to gay dude #2: Oh my god! That is so nasty! Who on earth would ever say something like that out in public! I wouldn't want anyone to know that anyone could do anything like that to me, let alone enjoy it! Nasty bitches!
Gay dude #2 to gay dude #1, very quietly: Um, I think she meant she had a drink in both hands, you idiot.
Gay dude #1: Oh.
Overheard by: j-we