Kids

Five-year-old boy to passing stranger: I ain’t yo’ baby’s mama.

College Park, Maryland

Excited preteen girl to dad: Look, dad, it's Hannah Montana!
Dad: Honey, we get out of the house so that we don't have to sit around and watch this all day long.

Macy's
Bridgewater, New Jersey

Overheard by: AS

Little boy running inside out of a rainstorm: I am a sword of wetness!

First United Methodist Church
Pittsburg, Kansas

Three-year-old girl: Can I open this?
Dad: No. There are two hundred and fifty matches in there, and they’re going to fall all over the place.
Three-year-old girl: But I promise I won’t eat them.

Harvest Co-Op
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Teen (brandishing Nerf gun): I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I'm gonna shoot you right in the mouth!
Small boy: Noooo! No more Nerf kisses!

Simi Valley, California

Overheard by: the mster

Professor: And if rubbing dog doo on a child's coat makes me a bastard, then so be it.

University of Kentucky

Overheard by: Still laughing a semester later.

Five-year-old boy: I'm a sensitive soul!

Little Italy
Toronto
Canadia

Mother: Max, no pinching girls’ hineys!
Three-year-old boy: Just boys’?

Highlands Ranch, Colorado

60-something woman: He has always been a quiet person. He's been that way for as long as I have know him, and I have known him since he was a little boy.
Car salesman: Yeah. Wait, didn't you give birth to him?
Woman: I guess I have known him pretty much from the beginning, then. Weird.

Car Dealership
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Overheard by: stephen

Mom, to little kid: Is she your girlfriend?
Little kid: (shakes head emphatically)
Mom: Oh! I don't mean like that, I mean “friend that's a girl.” I know Jenny is your girlfriend.
Little kid: Yeah!
Mom: And who's your boyfriend?
Little kid: I don't have a boyfriend.
Mom: But I thought Robert was your boyfriend!

Kennedy Space Center
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Isn't he a little young…?