Middle-aged professor, matter-of-factly: My daughter loves Stephen Colbert. She calls him her ‘baby daddy.’
Art League School
Alexandria, Virginia
Girl #1: Vern's breaking down.
Girl #2: Who?
Girl #1: My car.
Girl #2: Oh. I was worried there for a second.
Bellingham, Washington
Very obnoxious drunk man to long-suffering waitress: Hey, what’s your name, anyway?
Waitress (coldly): Melissa.
Drunk man (softly): Awww, my daughter’s name is Melissa.
Waitress: Well, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we usually turn out slutty.
Bar
Los Angeles, California
Drunk girl screaming: No one here cares about any of the issues. None of you are from here. That just makes me sick, none of you are fucking from here.
Bus driver over PA: Sweetie, unless your name is Pocahontas, you're not from here either.
NJ Transit Bus
Woman: He's called “The Anal Man.” His ass can bend in 15 different positions. He's a big hit in Europe. (produces rubber toy)
Los Angeles, California
Dudely dude: You know Heart of Darkness, by Marlon Brando…
Ithaca College
Ithaca, New York
Black man, approaching black woman wrapped in garments with only her eyes visible: Salam Aleikum.
Woman: I'm not Muslim, muthafucka, I'm cold!
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Michael
Hot girl #1: That’s so sad.
Hot girl #2: Yeah, that’s so sad.
Hot girl #1: I used to date him.
Hot girl #2: Me, too.
Hot girl #1, fondly: Ruben, the one-eyed gimp.
Princeton, New Jersey
