Ever Wonder What Happened to Gumby?

Woman: He's called “The Anal Man.” His ass can bend in 15 different positions. He's a big hit in Europe. (produces rubber toy)

Los Angeles, California

Posted on September 28, 2019
Ass, California, Default, Geography, Names, Weirdness, Women

Oh, the Horror. The Horror!

Dudely dude: You know Heart of Darkness, by Marlon Brando…

Ithaca College
Ithaca, New York

Posted on August 27, 2019
About celebrities, Books, Colleges & Universities, Default, Guys, Names, New York, Pop culture

Yeah? Shalom, Baby

Black man, approaching black woman wrapped in garments with only her eyes visible: Salam Aleikum.
Woman: I'm not Muslim, muthafucka, I'm cold!

Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Michael

Posted on July 9, 2019
Default, Feelings, Guys, Insults, Names, Pennsylvania, Religion, Women

He Had to Lay Off Most Of His Elves

Little boy in coffee shop: Mom, I want it, I want it, I want it!
Mom: Shhh, Joshua! Santa Claus is watching!
Little boy: Mom! Santa Claus is not watching!

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Posted on June 9, 2019
Default, Guys, Kids, Lies, Michigan, Moms, Names, Women

… Was What We Called His Penis

Hot girl #1: That’s so sad.
Hot girl #2: Yeah, that’s so sad.
Hot girl #1: I used to date him.
Hot girl #2: Me, too.
Hot girl #1, fondly: Ruben, the one-eyed gimp.

Princeton, New Jersey

Posted on April 7, 2019
Chicks, Names, New Jersey

We're Sorry– Your Imaginary Friend Didn't Make the Cut

Little girl #1: This is my imaginary friend Helen.
Little girl #2: I have a girl named Lucy!
Little boy: I have a pair of scissors. Named… Mr. Scissors.

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Posted on February 19, 2019
Default, Girls, Guys, Kids, Michigan, Names, Weirdness

If He’s the Real Deal, He’ll Forgive Me

Dude #1: Dude, did you just call Jesus a fag?
Dude #2: I did.

Billings, Montana

Overheard by: he really did

Posted on February 2, 2019
Friends, Jesus, Montana, Names

She Doesn’t Even Recognize Our Sincere and Unyielding Love for Children

Pre-school teacher #1: Which kids do you want in your group today?
Pre-school teacher #2: Oh, I don’t really care. Just not Monica*. I cant stand her.
Pre-school teacher #1: Yeah, I know. It’s like it’s her period every friggin’ day!
Pre-school teacher #2: Yeah, she’s such a little frigid bitch!

New York City, New York

Overheard by: first day on the job