To Comment, I’d Really Need a Larger Sample

Four-year-old girl looking at Michelangelo’s David: Do you see the penis?
Nanny: Yes.
Four-year-old girl: I like the penis! Do you like the penis?
Nanny, turning around and walking away: There’s no good way to answer this.

Florence
Italy

Posted on March 28, 2020
Glad the condom broke, Italy, Penis, Questions

Oh, in That Case I’d Be a Cheetah

Guy #1: Man, that movie was so good last night — I was so baked.
Guy #2: Yeah, that shit is so much better when you’re high.
Guy #1, after a pause: If you were a bird, what kind of bird would you be?
Guy #2: I don’t like birds.
Guy #3: I’d be a pterodactyl, dude.

Cafeteria line, Colgate University
Hamilton, New York

Posted on March 23, 2020
Birds, Colleges & Universities, Frat boy types, New York, Questions

Anybody Have Any Bread?

(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it’s April 1st) Haha… His consumption smells like raspberries.

Colorado University, Boulder

Overheard by: In the back of the classroom

Posted on March 21, 2020
Class, Colorado, Default, Food, Health & Hygiene, Holidays, Maladies, Offers and requests, Questions, Sensory experiences, Students, Teachers

Like God, If They Didn't Exist, TV Would Have to Invent Them

Young film intern asked to come up with new story: What about a girl surrounded by her sassy, lesbian friends? Do lesbians come in sassy?

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: I honestly don't know

Posted on March 20, 2020
Employees, Movies, New York, Questions, Sexuality

I Think It Was the Makeup Sex

Grad student: How did you crack your rib? That's awful.
Administrative assistant: My husband.

University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware

Overheard by: Lisa

Posted on March 17, 2020
Body parts, Colleges & Universities, Default, Delaware, Employees, Questions, Relationships, Students

“My Hatred for Teaching Is Vast As the Ocean”

English teacher: Can anyone tell me what the definition of a simile is?
Student: Like your ass…
English teacher: What did you say!?
Student: Like or as?
English teacher: Oh…yeah.

St. Joesph High School
New Jersey

Overheard by: Davel

Posted on March 14, 2020
Compare and contrast, Default, Education, Insults, New Jersey, Questions, Students, Teachers, Words

I'm Afraid Library Regulations Dictate That I Must Give You a Wedgie

Librarian: Watcha doin'?
High school girl: Studying.
Librarian: Nerd.

Bellingham, Washington

Posted on March 12, 2020
Default, Education, Employees, Girls, Questions, Students, Washington, Words

They Are Currently in Place

Well-dressed man to female companion, in crowded tasting room: Did you remember the dildo?
Elegant lady companion: Yes, I brought both of them.

Napa Valley wine Auction
St. Helena, California

Posted on March 10, 2020
California, Couples, Default, Etiquette, Guys, Offers and requests, Questions, Relationships, Suits, Toys, Women

I Can Only Answer Questions Like “Tubey or Not Tubey?”

Young girl: So what do you think I should do?
Girlfriend: I spent most of last night eating cheese out of a tube. I really don't think I'm the best person to ask for advice about your love life.

London
England

Overheard by: LondonCoffee

Posted on March 10, 2020
Compare and contrast, England, Feelings, Food, Girls, Questions

Hey, I Tried Pilates for You Guys.

Beefy tattooed inmate: Hey, does anyone know how to play twister?
(rest of unit groans)

Vancouver Island Maximum Security Prison
Canadia

Posted on March 5, 2020
Canadia, Default, Games, Guys, Gym rats, Offers and requests, Questions