Why, Are Crocs Back?

Patron #1: How are you tonight?
Patron #2: Well, I'm currently disappointed in humanity.

Bar
Columbus, Indiana

Overheard by: Projection1234

Posted on April 3, 2020
Bars & Clubs, Bosses, Compare and contrast, Default, Feelings, Guys, Indiana, Questions

Preferably in the Drawing Room With a Candlestick

Young woman shouting to older gentleman: Why can't Dr Molar do his own wife?

Olive Garden
Indianapolis, Indiana

Posted on April 1, 2020
Family ties, Guys, Indiana, Questions, Restaurants, Sex, Women

…Thanks to All That Community Fingering at the Lakes.

Guy #1: So what I'm not clear on is how the penis and vagina work.
Guy #2: Well, how are you doing on STDs?
Guy #1: I'm still a little unsure about some, but I have syphilis down pat!

Finger Lakes Community College
New York

Posted on March 30, 2020
Body parts, Guys, New York, Questions, STDs, Stupidity

Wait– What Exactly Are You Using As a Volleyball?

Mom to three-year-old son under the table: Whatcha’ doin’ under there, buddy?
Three-year-old son: Playing volleyball.
Dad: Volleyball? Smells like you’re pooping your pants.
Three-year-old son, giggling: I am.
Three-year-old son’s sister to friend: See, I told you it wasn’t the food.

Los Tres Amigos Mexican Restaurant
Michigan

Overheard by: Scott

Posted on March 29, 2020
Default, Family ties, Food, Girls, Guys, Kids, Lies, Michigan, Moms, Poop, Questions, Restaurants, Sensory experiences, Siblings

To Comment, I’d Really Need a Larger Sample

Four-year-old girl looking at Michelangelo’s David: Do you see the penis?
Nanny: Yes.
Four-year-old girl: I like the penis! Do you like the penis?
Nanny, turning around and walking away: There’s no good way to answer this.

Florence
Italy

Posted on March 28, 2020
Glad the condom broke, Italy, Penis, Questions

Oh, in That Case I’d Be a Cheetah

Guy #1: Man, that movie was so good last night — I was so baked.
Guy #2: Yeah, that shit is so much better when you’re high.
Guy #1, after a pause: If you were a bird, what kind of bird would you be?
Guy #2: I don’t like birds.
Guy #3: I’d be a pterodactyl, dude.

Cafeteria line, Colgate University
Hamilton, New York

Posted on March 23, 2020
Birds, Colleges & Universities, Frat boy types, New York, Questions

Anybody Have Any Bread?

(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it’s April 1st) Haha… His consumption smells like raspberries.

Colorado University, Boulder

Overheard by: In the back of the classroom

Posted on March 21, 2020
Class, Colorado, Default, Food, Health & Hygiene, Holidays, Maladies, Offers and requests, Questions, Sensory experiences, Students, Teachers

Like God, If They Didn't Exist, TV Would Have to Invent Them

Young film intern asked to come up with new story: What about a girl surrounded by her sassy, lesbian friends? Do lesbians come in sassy?

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: I honestly don't know

Posted on March 20, 2020
Employees, Movies, New York, Questions, Sexuality

I Think It Was the Makeup Sex

Grad student: How did you crack your rib? That's awful.
Administrative assistant: My husband.

University of Delaware
Newark, Delaware

Overheard by: Lisa

Posted on March 17, 2020
Body parts, Colleges & Universities, Default, Delaware, Employees, Questions, Relationships, Students

“My Hatred for Teaching Is Vast As the Ocean”

English teacher: Can anyone tell me what the definition of a simile is?
Student: Like your ass…
English teacher: What did you say!?
Student: Like or as?
English teacher: Oh…yeah.

St. Joesph High School
New Jersey

Overheard by: Davel

Posted on March 14, 2020
Compare and contrast, Default, Education, Insults, New Jersey, Questions, Students, Teachers, Words

Questions