Skinny emo guy to emo girl: The only way I'm going to see him naked is if I picture it in my head. Oh, god damn it! I just saw it!
Missouri State University
Overheard by: Matt
Skinny emo guy to emo girl: The only way I'm going to see him naked is if I picture it in my head. Oh, god damn it! I just saw it!
Missouri State University
Overheard by: Matt
Little boy running inside out of a rainstorm: I am a sword of wetness!
First United Methodist Church
Pittsburg, Kansas
Guy: But I hate wearing condoms! I can’t feel anything. I might as well put my dick in a cereal box.
Girl: I think my vagina is a bit different from a cereal box.
Dude, excitedly: If your vagina had cereal in it, I’d eat you out all the time!
Davidson, North Carolina
Obscenely tall man: I’m sorry. This is really random, but I was just drinking a milkshake. And… I think I spilled some on my head. Can you check it out for me?
University of Mary Washington
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Yoga instructor to friend: I've always wanted to throw up on a cat.
Berkeley, California
Girl: Do you know who Helen Keller is?
Guy: No.
Girl: Well, she was blind, deaf, and something else…
Guy: Dumb?
Girl: No, she was quite intelligent actually, but I think she could smell.
Corvallis, Oregon
Girl: Do you ever feel like you have a feather in your pants?
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Hotel concierge: So, how did you enjoy The Big Easy?
Tourist lady: Oh, New Orleans is a wonderful city. I just wish I knew what it smelled like…
Drunk guy: “Ass.” That's the word your looking for. The city smells like ass.
Bourbon Street
New Orleans, Louisiana
Guy: When I went down on him, I realized he didn't shower.
Friend: Gross.
Guy: Yeah, I wasn't even gagging because of his dick, but because of his foul stench.
UC
Berkeley, California
Old lady: Look at that cheese–such a pretty color! Like one of Hillary Clinton's pantsuits.
Santa Rita Cantina
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Katie
