Teacher to student: See, why can't you be more of a brown noser, like him? (points at another student)
Student: Because I don't like the taste of ass?
(class groans)
Teacher: Don't knock it till you try it.
San Diego, California
Teacher to student: See, why can't you be more of a brown noser, like him? (points at another student)
Student: Because I don't like the taste of ass?
(class groans)
Teacher: Don't knock it till you try it.
San Diego, California
Professor just before class starts: There's no sporting events this weekend, right? We need something to bet on. (pause) I've got it! How about the hurricane?
CSU Classroom
Fort Collins, Colorado
Professor: So my kid walked in on us last night…
Student in class: Well, you gave them the talk, why not say you were wrestling or something?
Professor: Well, I have no way to explain the handcuffs.
Penn State
Altoona, Pennsylvania
Professor, talking about Shakespeare's Twelfth Night: Well, Sebastian and Antonio have a pretty interesting relationship. It's kind of like, uh, what's the word…a bromance! It's kind of like a bromance.
Michigan State University
Organic chemistry professor: Let me show you guys what I like to do in my office, in private.
UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California
Teacher scolding student: Do you want a cookie? Do you want a cookie? No, you don't deserve a cookie!
Canadia
Ranting professor: Say you're on a date, and your waiter places a bag of saltine crackers in front of you.
(students are puzzled)
Ranting professor: So, you're happy to have these crackers. But your date says to you: “Don't you see the filet mignon or the lobster?” But you can't see them! So you eat the crackers, and then you die. Then I go to your funeral.
Moorpark College
Moorpark, California
Overheard by: Amanduh
Professor: Everyone always thinks the answer is penetrance. Just let me say this right here, right now: I don't want to see any penetrance in this class. Learn it, but don't do it.
Genetics Lecture
Purdue University, West Lafayette, Indiana
Professor, noticing student's t-shirt: What is that?
Student: A gorilla and a shark high fiving in front of an explosion.
Professor: I'm going to work that into discussion somehow.
Point Park University
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: ZB
Overly dramatic English teacher: You will have the face you deserve when you are eighty. I will be beautiful.
AC Flora High School
Columbia, South Carolina
