In Other News, I've Graded You on a Scale from “Green” to “Unicorns”

Math professor: Coming home drunk at 3 am and grading calculus papers is a great way to learn calculus.

Southern Methodist University
Dallas, Texas

Posted on January 27, 2009
Advice, Colleges & Universities, Default, Drinking & drunks, Education, Teachers, Texas

Perfect for an Institution of Higher Learning

Extremely diabetic professor: Now that I have to get another artificial leg, I can be as tall as I want!

Math Department
University of Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Suzz

Posted on January 21, 2009
Body parts, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Illinois, Maladies, Teachers, Weirdness

…Ashlee Simpson Will Never Get Her Credibility Back

Student: Would it be possible for the situation to be reversed?
Professor: Well… (talks in circles for 5 minutes) So I will say yes, but the answer is no.

Graduate Classroom
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Posted on January 20, 2009
Class, Compare and contrast, Default, Offers and requests, Pennsylvania, Questions, Students, Teachers

Explains Why You Don't Allow Us Bathroom Breaks

Professor to 20-something assistants, about sighting them at a bar: So, I thought I saw you the other night, but I wasn't sure because I thought that all you do is type.

UC Merced
Merced, California

Overheard by: Seriously?

Posted on January 18, 2009
California, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Drinking & drunks, Euphemisms, Jobs & Careers, Teachers

You Get a Cookie

Professor: So what happened in Germany between 1928 and 1930?
Student: 1929!

Fordham University, New York

Overheard by: Sromeo

Posted on January 18, 2009
Colleges & Universities, Default, Geography, History, New York, Questions, Students, Stupidity, Teachers

I'm All About Buster Brown Collars

Gay professor: Yeah, so running through these questions should go a little more smoothly this time around. I looked around for what was causing it to go so slow last time, and I realized that there are disadvantages to letting your 14-year-old take your laptop to Tahoe for the weekend. I mean, really–how much lesbian porn can three teenage boys download? (class laughs) So, uh. If anything pops up, you know who to blame. I mean, it certainly isn't my secret fetish.

San Francisco State University, California

Overheard by: It isn't mine, either.

Posted on January 17, 2009
California, Colleges & Universities, Default, Gays, Porn, Questions, Sexuality, Teachers, Technology, Weirdness

And Trust in Covalent Bondage

Chemistry professor: A good chemist feels what his molecules are going through. A good chemist can relate to his molecules.

Macalester College
St Paul, Minnesota

Overheard by: Mac

Posted on January 17, 2009
Colleges & Universities, Default, Feelings, Minnesota, Science, Teachers, Weirdness

Nice Recovery, Boyo

Six-year-old child to teacher, upon seeing her new haircut for the first time: What's wrong with your hair?
Teacher: What do you mean “what's wrong with my hair”?
Child (with eyes downcast): It just looks so beautiful.
Teacher: Well, thank you.

New Westminster
BC
Canadia

Posted on January 14, 2009
Canadia, Compare and contrast, Compliments, Default, Hair, Kids, Questions, Teachers

Is That What I've Been Swallowing?

Older male professor, addressing a large lecture hall with only girls: So you see, in my body you will find lots of regular cells, and also you will find cells that are in the process of meiosis; and those are my sperm cells.
Barnard girl: That is so awkward.

Barnard College
New York

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on January 13, 2009
Books, Colleges & Universities, Default, Education, Girls, New York, Old folks, Science, Sex, Teachers, Weirdness

The Truth About Cats and Dark

Professor: If you walk into a dark room, you're not going to just step on a cat laying in the middle of the floor.

University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland

Overheard by: Brittany

Posted on January 7, 2009
Animals, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Maryland, Teachers, Weirdness

Teachers