(five-year-old girl tries to hit puppy with a toy)
Step-mom: I’m gonna hit you with that toy.
Five-year-old girl: How hard?

Fresno, California

Teenage boy to school friend: Dude, why would you buy a pocket vagina and not use it?

High School
Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: Murray

[Two 18-year-old girls are browsing a table full of random items for sale at a Christian thrift store at a local church.]Girl #1: This candle holder would probably feel great inside my pussy.
Girl #2, barely startled: Haha. Yeah.
Girl #1: Ooh, this shirt is nice!


Overheard by: Donny Boots

Teen (brandishing Nerf gun): I'm gonna get you! Here I come! I'm gonna shoot you right in the mouth!
Small boy: Noooo! No more Nerf kisses!

Simi Valley, California

Overheard by: the mster

Little girl: Mom, can I buy that doll house?
Mom: No, you don't have enough money.
Daughter: Can't I just use my college money?
Mom: No.
Daughter: But I don't want to go to college, I want the doll house! I don't want to go to college!

Toy Store

Hot Asian chick #1: The passion party was so fun — you guys should’ve gone.
Hot Asian chick #2: Oh my god! I wish I would’ve known about it. Did they have the Jack Rabbit?
Hot Asian chick #3: Yeah — and, like, oils and stuff?
Hot Asian chick #2: Forget that! Did they have anal beads?! [Sighs and glances over at her boyfriend] Our sex life has really gotten boring…

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: looking for the cameras

Janeane Garofalo incarnate, walking past adult bookstore: What more does a feminist need than dildos and books?

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: A. N. Cargo

Girl #1: You're too horny for your own good. Why don't you just get a dildo?
Girl #2: Why would I want a dildo when I can just get the real thing whenever I want?

Emory University
Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: Hank

Mellow teen: I got slapped in the tit with a dildo last night.

New Paltz, New York

[Two 20-something guys are staring at Colleen Moore’s ornate fairy castle dollhouse.]Guy #1: Oh, man.
Guy #2: No man on earth could have ever kept this woman happy.

Museum of Science and Industry
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Joan