Hootchie #1: Yeah, we just got back from a dildo party.
Hootchie #2: And we smell like two-dollar hookers!
Des Moines, Iowa
Hootchie #1: Yeah, we just got back from a dildo party.
Hootchie #2: And we smell like two-dollar hookers!
Des Moines, Iowa
Guy in tire store uniform: I don't have time to walk through this whole store. Just point me to the scooters and the black barbies.
Toys “R” Us
St. Petersburg, Florida
Overheard by: got got got no time either
Middle-aged woman to 20-something: I never knew there was that much variety in shape, size, color and girth. I’m talking about butt plugs. Oh, I’m sorry. You look shocked. I forgot — you’re just a librarian.
Wedding reception, Caesar’s Palace, 3570 Las Vegas Boulevard South
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Sarah
Blonde girl: I like summer fruits… Like strawberries.
Guy: What about others?
Blonde girl: Only if it's puree, or used in a sexual nature.
Masters' Room
University of Auckland
New Zealand
Lady #1: I usually keep the essentials in my purse.
Lady #2: Well… I keep a toothbrush, vibrator, and pepper spray in mine.
Pennsylvania
Mother to daughter: Just remember, honey, next time you borrow my dildo, don't get blood on it.
Leeds
England
Aunt: Jared*, put the toy back. We are going to go over to K-Mart, because they have a better selection.
Four-year-old: I don't want to go to K-Mart, auntie! There's too many white people over there!
Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: His (embarassed) Mother
Idiot girl #1: Well, like, Brad is like one of your favorite toys, so you wanna play with him a lot. But Adam is like your most favorite toy, so you wanna play with him all the time! So when Ashley wants to play with him you're all, “Bitch, drop it!”
Idiot girl #2: That is the best analogy.
Guelph
Canadia
Wangsta on cell: Dude, how the hell am I supposed to carry a 14-inch Mickey Mouse piñata?
(short pause) Well, I guess I could just stuff it in my messenger bag.
University
San Francisco, California
