Dude at bar: So wait, after her husband left her here by herself–completely shitfaced–she then fucked a total stranger in the bathroom?
Bartender: Yep.
Dude at bar: And then she came back out here bragging about getting banged in the ass?
Gay dude, sidling up: Sounds like an awesome night.

District Bar
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Big D

Mother holding DVD box to two tween kids: No, we can't get this one, it has too much (whispers) anal sex.

Best Buy

Drunk 20-something girl with iPhone to friends: Hey, have a look at my photos of me getting done up the arse last night!

Leamington Spa

Overheard by: Bleep

Young woman #1: I wonder if Vicks expires.
Young woman #2: Yeah, it expires. I use it as butt lube.

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Ashrey

Gentleman: See, this is the thing — I have a couple of drinks, and then I think, ‘Hmmm… Spiro’s cock up my arse…’

Straight guy: I really need your advice about this girl.
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: No. Her mom set us up on this date…
Gay guy: Stick it in her butt!
Straight guy: You just suggested that. I mean, I like her but I definitely don’t want to date her, and we’re supposed to hang out this weekend, but I don’t know what to do with her.
Gay guy: Well, just be like: “Hey, do you want to toss a Frisbee in the arboretum?”
Straight guy: And if she says yes, be like: “Okay, do you want to toss my salad in the arboretum?”
Gay guy: Awesome.

Lancaster, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: $kank

Man on phone: So I took my dick out of her ass and started smoking a cigarette… What else was I supposed to do?

New York City, New York

Boyfriend: Let’s get you all liquored up, and I can throw it in your butt.
Girlfriend: No! That’s not even how it happened the first time.

Trader Joe’s
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Jummy Bear

Girl #1: It is so hard getting laid living with my brother. I am a fucking loud girl when it's going on. For me to be quiet has been hard as hell.
Girl #2: Maybe get him to gag you, you'll like it and you will be quiet, that is what I found myself getting into.
Girl #1: I don't know, maybe I will try it, but I can't be doing that with a guy I meet on the first night.
Girl #3: It would be like anything else: try it a few times, if you don't like it find something else.
Girl #1: Last time I did that I tried anal, and that did not end well.
Girls #2 and #3: (laugh hard)
Girl #2: I remember that disaster.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Queer to date: Do you have a fist up your ass?

Center City, Philadelphia

Overheard by: keeeeem