California

Four-year-old girl being dragged away by mother: I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

West Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Juanito

Bearded 20-something to friends: Pants or no pants, I'm gonna party tonight!

Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: Matt

20-something girl to gay male friend: It really creeps me out when you call me “grandma” when we do drugs together.

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: MuffinW

20-something #1: She's got fuckin' guns pointed at her vagina.
20-something #2: What?
20-something #1: No, dude. Seriously.

Palms, California

Hot girl in line #1: Oh my god, I was so bad today! I had two whole scoops of ice cream for lunch.
Hot girl in line #2: You better watch it or you're not going to be able to fit into that cocktail dress you're buying.
Fat woman behind them: I fucking hate skinny people!

Department Store
Stockton, California

Little boy, wearing high heels: I'm bigger! I'm bigger!

Southern California

Dude to group of guys: When I fuck a girl, I don't want to be remembered. I want to be forgotten.

Echo Park, California

Overheard by: Angry Sandwich

Eight-year-old kid in line for Universal Studios park ticket: I know how to get a discount ticket.
Eight-year-old friend: How?
Eight-year-old kid: You get your friend to come along with you, then you stab him in the neck and say “My friend’s dying, can we have discount tickets?”

Universal Studios
Los Angeles, California

Girl #1: So, does your boyfriend know you’re bi?
Girl #2: What? No way! If he found out, he would fry me!
Girl #1: Fry you?
Girl #2: Yes! He would fry me! With a Jesus stick!

Cupertino High School
Cupertino, California

Overheard by: shyinvisiblegirl

Bum, to nobody in particular: I hate you, DJ Tanner!

Sacramento, California