Colleges & Universities

But I Still Don't Understand Those Two Dangly Bits

Girl, on sex-ed: Well, I went to a Catholic school and as a result I didn't know what a penis was until I got to high school.
Guy: I think these middle school girls need psychotherapy before they need birth control. 11-year-olds shouldn't be having sex.
Girl: Girls? Why just the girls? They're having sex with 11-year-old boys. You need something to stick in there in order to get pregnant.
Professor: Well, it looks like you found out what a penis was.

University of Northern Iowa
Cedar Falls, Iowa

We're All One Drunken Car Crash Away from Crutches, Honey

Girl: It's hard to listen to his lectures, but he has crutches so he's fun to look at.

UC
Santa Cruz, California

If It'll Be Reflected in Our Grades

Professor: Please don't talk amongst yourselves. When you talk amongst yourselves, I imagine you're saying horrible things like “Who would ever want to shag him?”
Previously chatting student: Don't worry! We all want to shag you!

University of Glasgow
Scotland
UK

Where Do You Stand on Blinking V. Gatorade?

College student: I think I hate sleep more than I hate Snapple.

University of Delaware

Especially an All-Girls' College?

Smithie: Why do I go to college if my only ambition is to be a constantly drunk trophy wife?

Smith College
Northampton, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Colleen

At Least That's What It Said on the Package

Girl in statistics class: She told me, “you're gay.” How can I be gay? I had four–no, five and a half–servings of dick this morning.

Saint Peter's College
Jersey City, New Jersey

Then He Juggled Them While Drinking a Glass Of Water

Hottied-out college girl: So I was, like, drunk, and I fell down on the bed, and he helped me up with his balls. (friends stare uncomfortably) What? That's not a euphemism for sex! He *literally* helped me up with his balls.

University of Delaware

And Wrote “Blow Job” in the Comments Field

Guy on cell phone: I think it would look really bad if you gave me a check for $1000.

University Library
Montreal
Canadia

He's Singlehandedly Filling the Void Left by Newlyweds

Teacher: If you could be any vegetable, what would you be?
Random black student: I'd be a strawberry.

University of Florida

Overheard by: amused greatly

According to the MLA Handbook

Girl in library #1: My intro and conclusion are really bad.
Girl in library #2: It's okay… an essay with a bad intro and conclusion is like a hot guy in dirty clothes.

Dalhousie University
Canadia

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