Colorado

Oh, Right: “I'm a Smoker Now.”

Guy #1: Dude, how do you blow smoke rings!
Guy #2 jokingly: It is the same as sucking dick.
Guy #1: Oh, okay! (blows smoke rings effortlessly)
Guy #2: Do you need to tell me something, man?

Hookah Bar
Colorado Springs, Colorado

Posted on January 15, 2021
Bars & Clubs, BJs, Colorado, Compare and contrast, Guys, Penis, Questions, Sexuality, Smoking

Like I Said

Crazy old lady in bathrobe yelling to herself: Fuuuck you!
Drunk hobo: It’s all in your head, lady.
Crazy old lady: No, it’s not — it’s all in my asshole!

Boulder, Colorado

Posted on January 6, 2021
Body parts, Colorado, Crazies

Translation: They Rejected Me

Loud man on cell: Harvard is the crusty nipple of liberalism.

Colorado University
Denver, Colorado

Posted on January 1, 2021
Colleges & Universities, Colorado, Compare and contrast, Default, Education, Guys, Nipples, On the phone, Philosophy, Politics, Words

If the SATs Were Actually Useful for Life

Teacher: What word do you think would fit there?
Student: Uh… “clusterfuck”?

Denver, Colorado

Posted on November 21, 2020
Colorado, Education, Questions, Students, Teachers, Words

I Hardly Touched Myself at All

Dude: Just because I watched you out a window for an hour doesn’t mean I’m creepy.

High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado

Posted on October 29, 2020
Colorado, Compare and contrast, Creepsters, Guys, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Sexuality, Threats, Violence, Weirdness

So It's Likely He's Very Drunk.

Little girl: He's drunk, I swear!
Teenage sister: He's not drunk, he's a foreigner.

Highlands Ranch, Colorado

Overheard by: Julia

Posted on September 28, 2020
Colorado, Drinking & drunks, Kids, Language barrier, Siblings, Teens

Later, They’d Vomit Up Quarters

Drunk girl #1: I’m Wells Fargo!
Drunk girl #2: Really? I’m Wells Fargo, too!
(they gleefully skip off together)

Pearl St Mall
Boulder, Colorado

Posted on September 7, 2020
Colorado, Default, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Girls, History, Malls, Movies

“Parties” Involve Group Sex

Yuppie blonde: So I told him, I was like, ‘Don’t call it a party, you know? Just say you’re getting drunk!’
Yuppie brunette: Exactly.

24 Hour Fitness
Denver, Colorado

Posted on August 15, 2020
Advice, Colorado, Yuppies

Now I Know How the Earth Feels

Girl: It seems like every time I see you these days, you're being raped.
Guy: I know… And now I'm not even getting paid for it.

University of Northern Colorado

Posted on July 22, 2020
Colorado, Guys, Money, Sex, Violence

High School Cafeteria Goes Up in Flames, Population Scientists Say, “Excellent!”

Chick: Look, if you’re out sniper-ing hobos, it’s not assassination!
Boyfriend: Nope, it’s population control.

High school cafeteria
Englewood, Colorado

Posted on June 20, 2020
Colorado, Couples, Philosophy