Jock: No, dude, you totally have to use a condom with a plastic vagina.

Overheard by: hung

Lady at table of discount clothing to guy browsing through sweatshirts: Yeah, Japanese-made condoms are really the most reliable.
Guy: Mmm-hmm.

Overheard by: woefully uninformed

20-something boyfriend with arm around girlfriend: God, we've saved a fortune not buying condoms recently.
Girlfriend: Yeah, a few more years of this and a baby will have paid for itself!


Hot girl: I've spent so much on condoms since I got here that I think it would be cheaper to just have the damn kids by now.

Westwood, California

Dude #1: So did you fuck that chick after we left the other night?
Dude #2 (glancing around to make sure no one's listening): Yeah.
Dude #1: Yes! I knew it!
Dude #2: Dude, I didn't even know what was going on until I came outta my blackout, and realized I was balls deep.
Dude #1: Condom?
Dude #2: (shakes head)
Dude #1: Yes!

Toons Bar
Chicago, Illinois

Guy giving out samples: Free sausage! Try some local sausage for free! Made right here in Seattle, no preservatives!
(people walk right past stand without looking)
Guy, in same tone of voice: I will figure out where you live and burn down your houses! Free sausage! Try a sample!

Pike Place Market
Seattle, Washington

Girl #1, with condom on hand: I don't know why men bitch about wearing these.
Girl #2: They say they don't feel “natural.”
Girl #1: Well, neither do my glasses, but I wear them 'cause I need to see.

Mount Holyoke College
South Hadley, Massachusetts

Woman on cell: Make sure you put it in a baggie so it doesn't get cooties everywhere. You know.

Back Bay Station
Boston, Massachusetts

Guy: I wonder why they don't make “ribbed for her pleasure” Magnums.
Girl: Because if your shit's that big to need a Magnum, it's already her pleasure.

Atlanta, Georgia

(kids looking at strawberry flavored condoms)
Kid #1: Strawberries!
Kid #2: No, they're strawberry balloons.
Kid #3 (shocked): No, they're condoms!
All 3 kids: Arrghhh.