Plus-size sistah: And that damn condom came off!
Friend: Oh, shit, girl! What happened?
Plus-size sistah: I dunno. It's still up in there.
Friend: What? How long?
Plus-size sistah: It's been three days. I can't reach that bitch!
Friend: Girl! That's nasty! And if you askin' what I think you askin', you can forget it!

Restaurant, Chinatown
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Joe

Guy: But I hate wearing condoms! I can’t feel anything. I might as well put my dick in a cereal box.
Girl: I think my vagina is a bit different from a cereal box.
Dude, excitedly: If your vagina had cereal in it, I’d eat you out all the time!

Davidson, North Carolina

Girl #1, throwing home pregnancy test into friend's basket: Here, I think you need this.
Girl #2, throwing box of condoms into friend's basket: Not as much as you need these, you slut.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Erica

Neighbor: Dude, condoms don't work on dogs.

Lawrence, Kansas

Teen: And when I woke up, everything in my purse was covered by a condom.

New Zealand

Overheard by: At least it was protected

Guy #1, during pride festival: Why do I have to carry all the condoms!?
Guy #2: Because you have the biggest pockets!

Bellingham, Washington

Girl to friends: Did he use a condom? No, never mind, you don’t use a condom when you’re fucking grapefruit.


Sister: Grandma got him a box of latexes!
Dad: Oh, well, I didn't know you and grandma were so…ahem…close.
Brother: Oh! God! No! Stop! My ears!

Reston, Virginia

Overheard by: Carly

Girl #1: I mean, there's condoms for free in the student center! Why don't you guys use protection?!
Girl #2: Sigh. I don't know. I think because I'm a Gemini.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Who has this conversation when I'm sitting right next to them?

Slutty girl in college dorm: Yeah, I know four or five guys who wear Magnums… Bitches are huge!

Lubbock, Texas

Overheard by: Maximagnum