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Freshman, before 8 am final: My internal alarm clock was like, “Dude, I didn't fucking go off!”

Burlington, Vermont

Cute girl to friend: But I don't want a booty call! (pause) But the message of the notebook made me realize how important they are.

Cornell University
Ithaca, New York

Overheard by: Anna

Sorority girl: It only took me one year and forty hookups to find a boyfriend, but I'm definitely not a slut!

Athens, Georgia

Overheard by: Jessica

Girl #1, sifting through shirts on table: Oh my god, these v-necks are so freaking cute.
Girl #2: Yeah…if this one didn't have sharks on it. If there's one thing I hate is sharks. Who puts sharks on shirts nowadays, anyway?

Urban Outfitters
San Francisco, California

Guy: Fuck my dead uncle!
Girl: You're not even wearing headphones!

Boston, Massachusetts

20-something woman preparing turkey to guy: I'm not sure what's worse, pulling all this out of the turkey's ass, or you taking it in the ass last night.

Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: At least some one had a happy thanksgiving

Girl: I'm so nervous that I'm going to somehow accidentally vote for Romney.

George Mason University
Fairfax, Virginia

Bottle blonde: Oh my god, you have to tell me where you got your color done!
Natural blonde gentleman: Bitch, this comes from Adonis genes gifted from on high.

Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Dr. Iniego Strangelove

Drunk girl on cell: What? … I’m so drunk I can’t even hear… I want to do naughty things to you… So, you’re saying if I were to lick and suck you, you wouldn’t care?

Fiddler’s Green
Winter Park, Florida

Overheard by: grossed out because she’s not even cute

Likely-lesbian library monitor: Well, I thought I might as well just make money on it, since I'm going to be here studying anyway.
Likely-lesbian friend: Yeah, it's the same way with pot. I'm smoking it and I have it around all the time so I might as well sell it.
Likely lesbian library monitor, after long pause: You're going to be a prostitute.

College Library
Upstate New York

Overheard by: Frhetoric Douse