I Suppose the Holes in the Balls Are Also Off Limits?

Vice principal: Listen up, everyone! The rules of the school also apply at the bowling alley. If you smoke, drink, or do drugs, we will call the cops. If you break anything, you will have to pay. If you hump the ball machine for the sake of irony, you will be sent home. That means you, Aaron*!
Aaron*: Aw, man!

High School
Englewood, Colorado

Posted on July 23, 2015
Colorado, Default, Drinking & drunks, Drugs, Guys, Money, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Smoking, Students, Teachers, Threats

Everybody from the American South Takes English As a Second Language

Crying girl to friend: And my paper had all these, like, negative comments on it a-a-and then she pulled me aside and compared my paper to people who take English as a second language.

Virginia Commonwealth University, Virginia

Posted on July 23, 2015
Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Education, Girls, Gripes, Virginia

We'll Now Proceed to the Dining Hall for an On-Site Demonstration

Professor, discussing King Solomon's Mines: So they find the body in the cave, and it hasn't decomposed at all. Not such a strange thing, as those of you who've ever hidden a body in a freezer will know.

Carleton University
Ottawa
Canadia

Posted on July 23, 2015
Books, Canadia, Colleges & Universities, Death & dying, Default, Teachers, Weirdness

…Just So You Know What You're in For

Mother to boyfriend, about young son: So, I thought he had one of my hair ties in his mouth, but he actually had a salamander…

Zoo
Oakland, California

Posted on July 23, 2015
Default

…Though I Personally Prefer “Hoo-Hoo Kazoo.”

Girl: I want a whistle!
Guy: You already have a whistle.
Girl: But that's a rape whistle, not a wiener whistle… Well, I guess it's kind of a wiener whistle!

Omaha, Nebraska

Posted on July 23, 2015
Default

But I Told You Not to Call Me at Work, Grandma

Salesclerk: Your total is $1.81. [Into her cellphone.] Don’t worry, girl, I am listening to yo’ hideous self!

Lawrence, Kansas

Overheard by: kerblammerz

Posted on July 23, 2015
Default, Employees, Etiquette, Guys, Insults, Kansas, Money, On the phone, Stores

From Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Giving Head

Girl #1: Well, you know she gave that guy a blow job when three other people were in the room. Someone was bound to find out.
Girl #2: I’ve never even done it in front of people.
Girl #1: Me either, I’m not that slutty.
Younger girl with them: Oh, guess just me then?
Girl #1: You gave someone a blowjob with people watching?!
Younger girl: Uh, yeah. Back when I was 15 and drunk.
Girl #1: I’m your aunt: should you really have told me that, McSlutty?

Park
San Diego, California

Posted on July 22, 2015
Age and ageing, BJs, California, Default, Drinking & drunks, Family, Family ties, Girls, Insults, Memory lane, Names, Weirdness

The High School Musical Outtakes Were Somewhat Shocking

Guy: Why were you guys talking about my penis?
Girl: We weren't.
Guy: Yes you were! I heard you mention it!
Girl: Zach! The world doesn't revolve around you and your penis!

Hagley Park
Christchurch
New Zealand