Employees

Plumber, rubbing his fingers together: Hmmm. No, no, it’s not water. It’s something much, much worse.

Colorado Springs, Colorado

Overheard by: TK

Cashier #1: He's definitely overcompensating for something.
Cashier #2: I do not know what that word means.
Cashier #3: “Compensate?” You don't know what that means?
Cashier #2: “Compensate?” Penetrate–I know what *that* is.

Filene's Basement
Washington, DC

Flamboyantly gay guy in teeny Speedo, looking at bride in hotel lobby: Ummmm… Is there a wedding here?
Front desk agent, also looking at bride: Yup.
Gay guy, disgusted: God, I feel so silly in my Speedo.

Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: proud to be… an idiot?

Suit: So yeah, I found out how my boss's boss takes his tea, and I took him a cup this morning, along with a muffin.
Non-suit: And did you remember to take a napkin to wipe his feces from your nose?

London
England

Overheard by: Eastender

Waiter: Does anyone have a green Firebird?
20-something lesbian: I do, why?
Waiter: It's on fire in the parking lot!
(20-something lesbian and girlfriend go outside and return ten minutes later)
Waitress: Is everything okay?
20-something lesbian, matter of factly: Yeah, my car just caught fire. Can we have another plate?
Girlfriend, unaffected: Also, she ordered tempura.

Sushi Garden
Tucson, Arizona

Middle aged woman to waitress: How do you stay so thin?
Waitress, serving woman dessert: I don't eat here.

Restaurant
Saskatchewan
Canadia

60-something woman: He has always been a quiet person. He's been that way for as long as I have know him, and I have known him since he was a little boy.
Car salesman: Yeah. Wait, didn't you give birth to him?
Woman: I guess I have known him pretty much from the beginning, then. Weird.

Car Dealership
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Overheard by: stephen

Waitress to guy wearing a Soviet hockey jersey: CCCP? Who's that?
Customer: It's the Soviet Union.
Waitress: Oh, are they playing the Caps tonight?

eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Hotel concierge: So, how did you enjoy The Big Easy?
Tourist lady: Oh, New Orleans is a wonderful city. I just wish I knew what it smelled like…
Drunk guy: “Ass.” That's the word your looking for. The city smells like ass.

Bourbon Street
New Orleans, Louisiana

Vegetarian, pointing to pink thing on her plate: What animal is that?
Waitress: That's a pear.

Mt. Vernon, New York

Overheard by: Deek