Wise eight-year-old boy to brother: Getting a girlfriend is the easy part. But you have to know how to keep them.
Attentive six-year-old: How do you get them to stay?
Wise eight-year-old: You have to find out what kind of food they like to eat. And give them a plastic unicorn.
Nature Park
Tampa, Florida
Little boy: Mommy, what’s a condom?
Mom: It’s short for ‘condominium,’ honey.
Little boy: Oh… Mommy, did you ever live in a condom?
Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Girlfriend sipping frappuccino: We should be, like, writing screenplays in here.
Boyfriend, half ignoring her: My dog’s probably gay.
Girlfriend: Instead of just sitting here like posers, I mean.
Boyfriend: I guess if he had a girlfriend he’d fuck it instead of guy dogs.
Girlfriend: I dunno.
Boyfriend: What?
Girlfriend: What?
Boyfriend: What? What were we talking about?
Girlfriend: Movies.
Starbucks
Gainesville, Florida
English professor, going over punctuation: We can fix this sentence by putting a comma here… and here… and here. See? Comma, comma, comma. [Breaks into song.] Comma-comma-comma-comma-comma chameleeeooon!
Community College
Palm Bay, Florida
Girl #1: Well, Jim and I have sex all the time without condoms. Then I had sex with Gary and we used one, but then Scott came and we didn’t use one. Then, that same night, Thomas came over and we used one. But that’s when my vagina started to hurt.
Girl #2: Maybe you should stop using it.
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: i wish i had my ipod
Sorostitute: You know how I got my coke whore status?
Roommate: Ummm, how?
Sorostitute: I snorted a line off of Jared’s penis with a hundred dollar bill.
Roommate: Wow.
Sorostitute: That’s not that bad, is it?
Dinning hall, Florida State University
Tallahassee, Florida
Chick #1: Did you watch America’s Got Talent?
Chick #2: No.
Chick #1: There was this saxophone guy who was totally on crack or something.
Chick #2: Everybody on crack thinks they have talent.
Florida Mall
Orlando, Florida
Four-year-old: I'm not here to make friends!
Disney's Animal Kingdom
Orlando, Florida
Dude on cell: Oh my god… I had the pork chop. It was like it was cut right off of Jesus’s left rib.
Orlando, Florida
Professor: So, how did the baby boom come about?
Student: When a–
Professor: –You don’t need to actually walk me through it. In the late 1940s, everybody was becoming a mother. Okay, half of everybody.
University of North Florida
Jacksonville, Florida
