Food

‘Cause Then She Took One of My Legs and Snapped It

Skinny girl: My roommate’s nuts. We got into another fight.
Tall girl: Oh, God, what is it now? She’s mad again ’cause you don’t rinse every drop of toothpaste out of the sink, right?
Skinny girl: No, it’s the mayonnaise! The fucking mayonnaise! She accused me of eating it! Just the plain mayo, not on a sandwich or anything. I looked at her and told her, ‘Listen, bitch, I don’t eat mayo. I’m anorexic.’ She’s accusing me of having no self control!
Tall girl: So, what happened then?
Skinny girl: I was drunk, so I threw the mayo out our front door and said, ‘Ha! Now no one can eat it!’ I don’t think that helped the situation at all.

George Herman’s
Charlotte, North Carolina

What Did I Say When You Asked That About Carrots?

Girl on cell: Are avocados vegetarian?

Saskatoon
Saskatchewan
Canadia

Leave It to the Ivy Leaguers to Really Get to the Crux of an Issue

Frat boy: That's all I want, a girl from, like, some poor village in southern Italy, doesn't speak a fuckin' *word* of English, and I can bring her home, and she can lie in my bed all day, and fuck me, and make me gnocci.
Plain blonde girl: Do you really like gnocci?

Yale Berkeley College Dining Hall
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Pita Chips Have Thrown Canadia Into Confusion

Brunette girl: I love whole wheat nachos.
Blonde girl: They should make whole wheat potato chips.
(silence)
Brunette girl: Ohmigod! You're serious? There is no such thing as a whole wheat potato! (laughter)
Blonde girl: Wow! I am really not that dumb.

Nova Scotia
Canadia

Overheard by: nicole

Yes, I’d Like a Grande Double Espresso with a Shot of Cocaine

Man: Decaf, please.
MBA guy: Who the fuck orders decaf? That’s like having eyes yet walking around with them closed.

http://overheardatkmc.blogspot.com/2006/10/open-your-eyes.html

Wait– What Exactly Are You Using As a Volleyball?

Mom to three-year-old son under the table: Whatcha’ doin’ under there, buddy?
Three-year-old son: Playing volleyball.
Dad: Volleyball? Smells like you’re pooping your pants.
Three-year-old son, giggling: I am.
Three-year-old son’s sister to friend: See, I told you it wasn’t the food.

Los Tres Amigos Mexican Restaurant
Michigan

Overheard by: Scott

Anybody Have Any Bread?

(student coughs violently into hands, spewing fake blood)
Lit professor: Oh my god! Are you okay?
Student: (coughing up more blood) Can I go to the bathroom?
Lit professor: Oh my god, go, go!
(student leaves)
Lit professor: (realizing it’s April 1st) Haha… His consumption smells like raspberries.

Colorado University, Boulder

Overheard by: In the back of the classroom

Plus, That’s Chicken

20-something guy, about his sushi: This takes me back to when I used to live in Japan.
Brunette: When did you ever live there?
20-something guy: No, I mean in my past life.
Brunette: What makes you think you were Japanese?
20-something guy: Because ever since I was little I have always loved seafood.
Brunette: … Maybe you were a fish.
20-something guy: Not cool.

Sushi restaurant
Worcester, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Wallflower

I Can Only Answer Questions Like “Tubey or Not Tubey?”

Young girl: So what do you think I should do?
Girlfriend: I spent most of last night eating cheese out of a tube. I really don't think I'm the best person to ask for advice about your love life.

London
England

Overheard by: LondonCoffee

I Blame Our Science Teacher for Your Potassium Fetish

Wannabe scene chick on phone: I drew another picture for you. There's a banana involved again. (pause) You and your bananas!

Chesapeake, Virginia

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