Nine Months Later, I Had You.

Student: So then I turned round and there was a snake in my bacon!

Birchwood Community High School
Warrington
England

Posted on September 9, 2020
Animals, England, Food, Students, Weirdness

Mr. Duchovny's Voicemail Fills Up Fast

Teenage girl on cell: David, I fucked you last night. The least you could do is give me a ride to Taco Bell.

St. Louis, Missouri

Posted on September 8, 2020
Assholes, Couples, Food, Missouri, Sex

Let Me Guess– Rainbow Sherbert?

Drunken girl: I don't know, Luke, I'm just sick and tired of people who want to sit in their rooms and watch YouTube videos and eat sherbert.
Drunken guy: You don't like sherbert?
Drunken girl: No, I like it… but only with adventure.
Drunken guy: I wanted adventure. I feel kind of bad, though, that I didn't experiment enough.
Drunken girl: With what?
Drunken guy: With guys. I don't know, it just hasn't happened.
Drunken girl: Well, don't rush it. If you let it happen naturally, it will.
Drunken guy: But what if I don't like it? And say, “No, this isn't for me”?
Drunken girl: Let's go eat something.
Drunken guy: Sherbert?
Drunken girl: Yep.

Claremont, California

Posted on August 10, 2020
California, Drinking & drunks, Drunks, Feelings, Food, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Internet, Questions, Wishes

Translation: I’m Still a Little Stoned

Girl, frantically looking through fridge: Shit, I’m gonna be late for work… What the hell? Why is your rice in my freezer?
Boyfriend: Because then it will be happy and prosperous.

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Nic

Posted on July 24, 2020
Couples, Food, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Happiness, Questions, Washington, DC, Weirdness

Dad's the Other White Meat.

Girl #1: So my mother says our dog is her “little sausage,” so she's started calling him “pork sword.”
Girl #2, laughing: That's got to be awkward!
Girl #1: Tell me about it! The other day my boyfriend thought she was yelling for my dad.

Cape Town
South Africa

Posted on July 19, 2020
Africa, Animals, Food, Girls, Names

It's Either One or the Other, These Days.

Blonde guy: And it burned the whole way down! I think my esophagus hemorrhaged.
Skinny guy: Hey, at least you didn't eat nine bowls of pudding.

Kansas State University

Overheard by: Michele

Posted on July 15, 2020
Body parts, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Food, Guys, Health & Hygiene, Kansas, Skinny people

Is He Talking About Vagina? Discuss.

Little boy to mother: Mommy, it smells like eating wieners… right?

Walgreens Parking Lot
Port Chester, New York

Overheard by: Ldawg

Posted on July 4, 2020
Compare and contrast, Food, Kids, Moms, New York, Parenting, Questions, Sexuality

Can't Answer. Crashing.

Skinny boy at the back of the classroom: I had a Pop-Tart for breakfast!
Teacher, horrified: Why? Oh my god, why?!

Middle School
North Carolina

Posted on June 13, 2020
Food, Gripes, North Carolina, School [Elem., Middle, & High], Skinny people, Teachers

And I'm the Dairy Queen.

Seven-year-old girl #1: Hey! There goes Angus!
Seven-year-old girl #2: Oooh, you are falling in love with him.
Seven-year-old girl #1: I am so not falling in love with him. He's allergic to dairy!

Australia

Overheard by: hahamama

Posted on June 4, 2020
Australia, Feelings, Food, Kids, Maladies

At the Hermaphroditic Contortionist Children's Support Group

Five-year-old girl, pointing at store window: Balls!
Young mom: That's right honey, those are balls, but you ate your balls, huh?
Five-year-old girl: I ate my balls!

Buffalo, New York

Posted on May 23, 2020
Balls, Food, Kids, Moms, New York, Parenting, Shopping

Food