Friends

Loud girl to friend: Calm your nipples, bitch!

Huntington, New York

Overheard by: Sarah

Guy #1: I once tried to hit on a chick while I was drunk and throwing up, but now that's just a fun story I tell and nobody lost their respect for me.
Guy #2: Except for the girl you were hitting on.
Guy #1: Well, I don't know. Her nickname was “dicktooth.”

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Claire

Teenage girl to friends: The groin is the eye, no?
Teen friend: The eyes are the groin of the face!
First teen: Right!

Ferry
Larkspur, California

Overheard by: I Know, I know

Girl to friend: I need some cute shirts that I can just throw on and like…jerk off in.

H&M
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: XT

Drunk male friend: What do you want for your birthday, baby? I can make it happen, just tell me what you want!
Really, really drunk birthday girl, pointing at someone else: I want in that guy's pants!

Norfolk, Virginia

Teenage girl to friend: And then he stuck his finger up my butt, and said “Oh, yeah, do you like that, babe?”
Friend: See, there you go. If you don't sit a guy down and tell him not to go up your butt, he will. Look at you, you're butt-fingered.

Subway Store
Maitland
Australia

Guy with burger to friend, loudly: Penguins are fish, and fish don't eat fish!

Vancouver
Canadia

Overheard by: kib

Model scout, handing out card to hot tall teen: I know you're probably modeling already, but take my card anyway.
Shorter teen girl to friend, after scout has left: Fuck you. The only reason he gave you his card instead of me was because I'm eating a cookie. But it's the only thing I've had to eat today!

Starbucks
Studio City, California

Overheard by: Urz

Stoner #1: Do you have telekinesis?
Stoner #2: No, but I got call-waiting and that three-way call thing.

McDonald’s
Escondido, California

Overheard by: DLo

Guy: She’s Irish, so I really hope at some point she says: “Shut yer piehole!”
Girl: I could pay her ten bucks to say it, unless that violated the pie hole code.
Guy: First rule of pie hole: There is no pie hole code.

http://overheardlines.blogspot.com/2008/06/american-guy-apparently-on-his-way-to.html

Overheard by: tim