Friends

Drunk male friend: What do you want for your birthday, baby? I can make it happen, just tell me what you want!
Really, really drunk birthday girl, pointing at someone else: I want in that guy's pants!

Norfolk, Virginia

Teenage girl to friend: And then he stuck his finger up my butt, and said “Oh, yeah, do you like that, babe?”
Friend: See, there you go. If you don't sit a guy down and tell him not to go up your butt, he will. Look at you, you're butt-fingered.

Subway Store
Maitland
Australia

Guy with burger to friend, loudly: Penguins are fish, and fish don't eat fish!

Vancouver
Canadia

Overheard by: kib

Model scout, handing out card to hot tall teen: I know you're probably modeling already, but take my card anyway.
Shorter teen girl to friend, after scout has left: Fuck you. The only reason he gave you his card instead of me was because I'm eating a cookie. But it's the only thing I've had to eat today!

Starbucks
Studio City, California

Overheard by: Urz

Stoner #1: Do you have telekinesis?
Stoner #2: No, but I got call-waiting and that three-way call thing.

McDonald’s
Escondido, California

Overheard by: DLo

Guy: She’s Irish, so I really hope at some point she says: “Shut yer piehole!”
Girl: I could pay her ten bucks to say it, unless that violated the pie hole code.
Guy: First rule of pie hole: There is no pie hole code.

http://overheardlines.blogspot.com/2008/06/american-guy-apparently-on-his-way-to.html

Overheard by: tim

Old lady to another: Mary started crying because she thought they were taking her back to New Jersey.

Pizza Shop
Lima, Pennsylvania

Guy to girl in line at ATM: Stop playing with his butthole! What are you doing to his butthole?!

Champaign, Illinois

Overheard by: In front of her in line, and afraid to turn around

Girl eating pizza to friends: Like, do I want to meet aliens? Yes!

Pizza Place
Tempe, Arizona

Overheard by: Felicity

Girl: Jazmin*, what was you doing in the bathroom?
Jazmin: Oh, you know…
Boy across the hall: She was taking a dump!
Jazmin: Yup! That’s what we do all day, every day.

Public High School
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: andromeda