Frat boy: That's all I want, a girl from, like, some poor village in southern Italy, doesn't speak a fuckin' *word* of English, and I can bring her home, and she can lie in my bed all day, and fuck me, and make me gnocci.
Plain blonde girl: Do you really like gnocci?
Yale Berkeley College Dining Hall
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Guy on cell: Yeah, I hooked up with her. [pause] I fucked her. She was tight. [pause] She hasn’t called me back. I don’t get why it’s so hard to take five seconds out of your day to see how I’m doing. [pause] She’s, like, Asian. Half Asian and half alien.
Barnes & Noble
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Hobo
20-something guy, about his sushi: This takes me back to when I used to live in Japan.
Brunette: When did you ever live there?
20-something guy: No, I mean in my past life.
Brunette: What makes you think you were Japanese?
20-something guy: Because ever since I was little I have always loved seafood.
Brunette: … Maybe you were a fish.
20-something guy: Not cool.
Sushi restaurant
Worcester, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Wallflower
Teacher: I've decided that the Japanese live on another planet, that we can sometimes take a plane to.
Art Institute of Washington
Arlington, Virginia
Guy: So they would smuggle one of these toy dogs in their shirt pocket.
Girl: Why don't they just put them in their bras? It's like “yeah, I got a boob job while I was in China.”
Rutgers University
New Jersey
Overheard by: RU serious
Professor: Back then they actually had Hell located on the map. It was in the north.
Student: In Canada?
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Daughter: Mommy, mommy, that dress makes you look sixteen years younger!
[Later]Daughter: Mommy, if you were stranded in the desert without any water, what would you do?
Mother: [No response].
Daughter: [to little sister] I would eat my own blood.
Old Navy
Promenade Mall, California
Overheard by: Claustrophobic
Sorostitute: Like, ohmigod, Africa is like so cute!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Ladle
Girl on cell: Nooo… I’m not sure I should go to Florida. That could lead to sex.
Cornell University
Ithaca, New York
College girl #1: Did you hear about that slavery thing?
College girl #2: No, like a real, live slavery thing?
College girl #1: Yeah! It's in Europe somewhere, like the Philippines.
Rock Valley College
Illinois
